Murder in the Snow: The Gold Chronicles Book One
by Phoenix Oblivion
Summary: Goldpaw, death is an entity that lives inside. It is a voice in your body; it is all ways there, tempting you. Murder is a living thing, lying in wait. It is the evil within. But death can only emerge when a cat is foolish enough to listen to it... The murders have begun, and only a young apprentice named Goldpaw can face these huge, impossible odds. Can he win?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

Robinkit was nervous: he had just reached his sixth moon and the entire clan thought that he was going to start training as a warrior apprentice. Of course his anxiety was not needed, Goldstar knew that his clan would accept the fact he wanted to be a medicine cat easily. His best friend, Moonpaw, would soon get over her grudge; it was only too obvious that she loved Robinkit. She was angry for his ambition because medicine cats are not allowed to have mates.

Goldstar watched as Robinkit padded through the mass of Thunderclan so that he was standing on his haunches, looking up at Goldstar.

"Robinkit, I hereby name you as a new medicine cat apprentice of Thunderclan," the words echoed out of his mouth easily. He remembered when he had been apprentice; the ceremony words had changed several times since then. Goldstar was lucky to have seen all of the changes. He turned his head to see Moonpaw padding angrily into the apprentices den, her silver fur disappeared almost immediately; she did not congratulate the new Thunderclan medicine apprentice. He sighed as he saw his medicine cat, Skyblood, muzzle the apprentice's cheek and murmur something that was too quiet to hear. Robinpaw padded straight over to Goldstar once all the cats had dispersed. The sun was coming down and Robinpaw would best be getting some sleep, all the same, he waited until Robinpaw arrived at the Highledge.

"They accepted it!" he said excitedly. Goldstar could not suppress a purr.

"Of course they would Robinpaw, you know, I once thought that Thunderclan would not accept me," he paused. Remembering the days of his apprenticeship, it was fair to say he had had an eventful one. Robinpaw looked interested.

"What was your apprenticeship like?" the question was inevitable. Goldstar smiled.

"That is a long and violent tale-"

Robinpaw's eyes widened, "How many border disputes did you take part in?"

Goldstar laughed, "As a matter of fact, I did not have a single border fight until I was a warrior!"

"Really?"

"Yes," Goldstar looked into the distance. "My apprenticeship was a more gory one. I saw death three times; I was almost murdered myself."

There was silence for a moment before Robinpaw spoke again, "Can you tell me the story?"

Goldstar smiled once more. "Maybe I can keep you awake for a while."

"Yes!" Robinpaw screeched.

"Not so loud!" Goldstar hissed playfully. Robinpaw immediately stopped talking.

"My story begins on the very first night, just after I gained my apprentice name…"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

I couldn't believe it! An apprentice at last! Pride swelled up as the Thunderclan cats chanted my name. "Goldpaw! Goldpaw! Goldpaw!"

Well, half of the clan.

The other half just stood there, lashing their tales in anger and rage. I could never understand why those cats did not like me. No, they didn't just not like me, they hated me! Unfortunetly, half of that group were warriors.

Featherstar gazed down at me proudly, "Your mentor will be Fernshadow."

Fernshadow! Oh no, not Fernshadow! Immediately a beautiful jet-black queen with emerald green eyes stepped forward out of the group who hated me and padded over to muzzle me. The hate group cheered! The other group hissed.

I thought I might have heard a whisper, "Mousebrain. Why did she choose Fernshadow?"

I gulped as she muzzled my shoulder, knowing it could only mean trouble. Almost as soon as the crowd had moved back to the dens did Fernshadow slap me with her tail, run over to the edge of the camp and start to move over to the lake.

"Come on you slowpawed fool!" she snapped as she ran away. I felt humiliation smoke my mind and I unsheathed my claws in frustration. Suddenly a ginger paw pressed on my own golden paw, I looked up to see Firestorm, a handsome light ginger tom standing over me. "Don't let her get under your fur," he murmured.

"How is it possible not to?" I lashed my tail. "Half of the clan hate me and I don't even know why!" I thought I might have seen a flash of fear fly across his face, but it disappeared almost immediately. "They don't hate you."

"How can you say that?!" more anger surged through me. "Damn Starclan! I feel so humiliated."

"Don't speak like that," Firestorm soothed, stroking my ruffled back fur with his tail. He gazed down at me fondly. "Thunderclan were just a little shaken by your-" he stopped abruptly and began washing furiously. At this I had had enough: I hated being Thunderclan! Firestorm was probably only here because Featherstar had told him to do so. I bristled with fury and charged over the gorge and into the forest, the scents of leaves and fresh kill darted through my nose, and the trees came up to meet me. For one thing, there was no way that I was going to the lake, if Fernshadow really thought I was going to just let her toy with me, she could think again. I'll show them! I snarled to myself. Following my nose, I began to stalk through the forest, unsure of where I was going or what I was going to do. But the instinct of hunting came to me and I began to search the air for prey. It must have been very plentiful because I soon detected a scent of fresh squirrel. Excitement coarsed through me at the idea of catching food, and if my nose went closer to the ground, surely it would be touching the rough dirt. The trail lead far away from the camp and near to the border of Windclan; I wrinkled my nose in disgust. The scent of hills was horrible, so I took my nose away from that direction and back towards Thunderclan. For a moment I thought that I had lost the squirrel when all of a sudden I saw it. It was nibbling an acorn, unaware of the pain that it would surely have to endure. I smiled in delight, but felt a flicker of doubt run across my spine, could I catch something without any training? I shrugged the feeling off and dropped into a hunters crouch, tracking the squirrels every move. It was almost strange, I had never even been taught how to do the crouch, but I found myself falling into it instinctively. My tail didn't trail on the ground and I made no noise. I even surprised myself at how well practised I seemed.

As I drew closer, I felt a strange presence draw closer to me, like there was something stronger than my own skill egging me on.

Soon, the squirrel was only a mousetail away from my muzzle. I knew that I couldn't afford to make any sound or my prey would escape my grasp. My claws unsheathed smoothly and I shot forward, aiming for the squirrel's neck. The squirrel's eyes darted to mine, and it started to move, as if it was caught in slow motion. I dug my claws into the squirrel's exposed neck; the thing hadn't even moved a foxtail! I had been told stories of how squirrels were the hardest prey to catch in the whole forest. My chest puffed out in pride as I dug a small hole, and dropped my squirrel into it before covering it back up. Once again, I felt a small prickle of confusion in my head, how had I known what to do? It was like I was the best warrior, like- like I knew everything already. I don't need Fernshadow! I thought triumphantly.

Suddenly, the fresh scent of mouse exploded into my nostrils; my mouth dropped open and I started to drool, it was so inviting. I began to follow the scent like I had done for the squirrel, except this time, the trail led me all the way to the Shadowclan border. Using my sight instead of my nose, I discovered the unfortunate mouse basking in the shadow of a hawthorn bush, I grinned and the thrill of the hunt overcame me, once again dropping into a hunters crouch, I crept around the bush so that I had a clearer sight of the mouse-

Then I exploded into action, my claws slid out and I pounced on my prey, slashing a clean cut though its neck.

This is easy, I thought. Even more pride flowed through my body as I buried it, so much that I did not notice that I had arrived near the lake. I turned, my interest in prey gone. I padded forward slowly until I was sitting on my haunches by the lakeside; it was a vast area of water that must have taken up half of all the clans' territory. The ripples glittered in the sun and I gazed at my reflection in the water for just a moment, it caught my attention, it captured my imagination.

For a moment, I thought that I saw something else in the water, something larger than myself. My eyes narrowed and I moved in closer to the lake too see if what I had seen was truly real, but it had disappeared and I was left just staring at myself in the lake.

Suddenly, a huge shape glittered in the water and I gasped turning around in shock. A flash of black cuffed my ear and I yelped in pain, the thing shook me away and I rolled back along the shore. I tried to find my feet but immediately another flash of agony came from my ear, and I knew that I was pinned.

Fernshadow had caught me by surprise.

"How long does it take to get to the lake?" Fernshadow shouted. She pushed down harder and I gave out a yelp which was smothered by her body fur, she gave yet another yank at my ear and grinned, she was enjoying watching my suffering, I could tell by the triumphant look. It hurt so much: her claws were unsheathed. I thought my ear was on fire.

"I was hunting!" I replied helplessly. Strange, for a moment, I was certain that I saw a sudden crack of pity flash across those deep emeraled eyes. But her mask of hate seemed to then take control once more, but the pain ran away for just a couple of moments, because I was sure that there was emotion hiding behind the jet black fur of Fernshadow. She saw the look, and she hit me with her free paw, a new burst of pain stabbed me, and I knew that Fernshadow would strive to find a problem in what I had done.

"What did you catch? A butterfly?" she sneered. Humiliation scorched inside and hate boiled up; I struggled for the first time but it only made her grin grow much wider. I realised that it was completely hopeless; that hurt more than the agony.

Panic, sheer panic.

"I caught a mouse and a squirrel!" I rasped. My eyes searched the heavens for some sort of hope that Fernshadow would reveal more pity, but she had been enraged by how I had noticed last time.

"Lesson one: never lie," Fernshadow whispered. She scratched my pelt and I swear that I nearly fainted.

"I'm not lying, I'll take you to my kill," I rasped. The certainty inside that I was going to die there and then engulfed my body; I had never been more scared. Fernshadow's taunts and the wounds she inflicted upon me still haunt my dreams occasionally.

Fernshadow laughed, I was so terrified. "Fine, humiliate yourself." She dropped me to the floor; I fell in in a pathetic pile of fur and whiskers. I tried to find my feet but I was too weak to even raise a paw.

My mentor laughed and kicked me in the gut, hard, "Come on you useless apprentice," she then knelt down and nudged me up with mock sympathy in her eyes. I looked at my fur, it was completey cacked with grime and filth, my usual golden pelt smothered by the earth. I began to hyperventilate in anxiety as I led Fernshadow away from the lake and back into the trees and bushes, as we walked, I stumbled several times, which caused another strike or blow to my head which sent me scrambling back to my paws and moving on in utter despair.

The scent of my own dead mouse came back as we neared the hawthorn bush where I had buried it into the ground. My eyes went back to Fernshadow for one uneasy moment; she must have taken it as one of surrender, because she raised her unsheathed claws with undisguised victory. My eyes widened, NO! I leapt aside, and the full extent of the hit rained down upon spot that I had stood moments ago. I gasped at her ferocity and I ran away to the protection of the bush, I heard her hiss in annoyance I looked for something to protect me. A wave of desperation hit and I realised that the only thing I could do was-

Mouse! One word came to me and I began to dig into the ground frantically, the earth spilling into the sky. My eyes turned for just a moment, and they widened, Fernshadow had leapt right over the bush and was no advancing with pace in her stride. Determination rose up and my paw flashed down into the ground, I fumbled in there for a moment, but it soon reappeared with the dull colours of dead mouse. I held it like shield and looked away, waiting for the strike that would take my life…

One eye opened in hope and and moved back into the sight of my mentor, surprise flew across her face, she could not suppress it, and I almost felt pleasure. Another spark of hope and I felt the numbness give way to a horrid sort of notted feeling, I dared not believe it was possible that I wasn't going to die.

"And where is the squirrel," her voice echoed with a sort, quality. Instead of being crude with rage it was… a mixture of uncertainty and worry now. I was still hyperventilating slightly, my breath coming out at ragged and unconnected times.

"It- it- it's over here," I panted. I still had my guard up for Fernshadow had proved to be slightly unpredictable. I turned around with the mouse still clamped in my jaws and led my mentor through the trees back to the place that I had buried the squirrel. There was unbearable tension splashed in my mentors face.

We came to the base of the tree where my first catch had been stuffed into the ground. There was slight hill where it had been buried and I turned back just in time to see Fernshadow's eyes narrow with suspicion. I dug my claws into the earth quickly, searching for the grey fur that would be my saviour. It seemed like years before I saw my squirrel.

There was a silence. That silence seemed to penetrate every nook and cranny of Thunderclan's territory, quitenening even the loudest and most boastful robin. Silence, apart from the low whistle of the wind hitting the branches of the trees, and the small crunch of claws digging into the ground, and the rustle of prey amongst there nests and dens.

"Come on," Fernshadow's unceremonious whisper came into my sensitive eardrums. Her voice seemed like a low and quiet growl. It was almost as scary as my mentor's shouting, "we need to get back to the camp before were are missed. It is almost night."

I turned around and realized that she was right; it was sunset, and soon the night would capture the day in it's net of darkness. The moon was emerging with the stars and they glittered onto the forest floor, making the trees seem like a beam of light. Clutching my fresh kill like the world was ending, I followed my mentor back through the camp. For the first that day, I realized I was shaking, nerves had finally got to him, but they werecalmed alittle when he realised that he had cast some sort of brief truce between her and me. Fernshadow was bristling in annoyance, but I thought I could see something that seemed like pride somewhere in there. Her hostility had not broken but it had fallen, that is slightly. That didn't matter: I didn't care by how much. All I knew was that Fernshadow didn't think I was as bad as I she did before.

When we padded down the rocks and back into the camp, I ran my paw down the soft white stone. For the first time I wondered why it was quite so smooth, I moved along the rock wall so that I could feel for any cracks or bumbs in the wall but there were none.

"Hurry Goldpaw," a quick exclamation fro Fernshadow sent him running back in her direction, the interest in the wall gone, little did I know that the wall would be one of many things to help me later in my life.

I saw many questioning eyes fall upon Fernshadow and me as we began to pad through the camp. Some looked flustered, others quietly surprised. I stiffened as I felt the anxiety level inside me begin to rise; there was something about all of those eyes fixed upon my body that disturbed me slightly. What would Fernshadow tell those questioning eyes? Worry crashed down upon me; it seemed strong enough to be pain.

"Whose prey is this?" a voice came down from the highledge; I looked up to see the grey fur of Featherstar emerging from her den. I gazed into those blue pools, they seemd to comfort me just a little.

Fernshadow spoke before I could reply, "Its Goldpaw's kill. He did well and acted upon my instructions well, Featherstar."

The Thunderclan leader's head nodded with a pleasant surprise and gazed at down at me from her height, she smiled at me and I felt myself anxiety fall more than more. I blinked, there was something about the way thay Featherstar held herself on the rock that- intriugued me. I stared at her eyes for a little longer, drowning in those blue depths, and my pelt began to prickle wth a feeling that I had not felt before. Maybe it was the fact that she was probably the very first cat who had praised me, or simply the fact that she smiled down with something more than just pride.

"Yeah right," a hard voice cracked me away from my own thinking. I turned to see a snowy white tom eyeing me with pure hostility. "I reckon that Fernshadow caught that just so other cats would resect him a little more! The useless lump of fur."

That did it, the moment of comfort that I had suddenly seemed completely irrelevant. Emotions inside me had risen to falling point; I could not bare any more eyes on me, or any more anxiety or worry flashing through me, anything, even death was better than this. The moon was coming and its beauty scared me. Something prickled on my spine. I ran away crying, tears smashed down my cheeks. Teasing eyes followed me the entire way; I looked back for just a second. Had Fernshadow told them something; the look she gave me sent me flying into faint. I fell down on my moss and cried, cats were still staring at me. Damn you Starclan, I thought. I wish I had never been born!

There was one thing I had not understood though. The look Fernshadow had given me hadn't been one meant to annoy me; my mind had been playing tricks.

It had been one to comfort me.

Robinpaw

Robinpaw's mouth dropped open as Goldstar told him the tale of his first unbearable day as an apprentice. "Oh great and holy Starclan! I hope that my first day isn't like that."

Goldstar smiled weakly, memories flying back inside him. He knew there was no way that Robinpaw could truly understand the pain that he had felt on that day. He had never been abused; Goldstar had been from the day he had been born. The clan had gazed down on him like he was some sort of prey to be feasted upon, and even though over the moons, Goldstar had come to understand why half the clan had hated him, he still didn't wasn't fully trusted by everyone, they still looked at him with painstaking suspicion.

You only understood with a bit of help from Goldenstrike, a small voice echoed in his mind.

"You wait until you hear the rest, that was nothing compared to the moons to come," Goldstar said to the apprentice quietly.

His eyes widened, "Really!" Goldstar smiled again and a little touch of amusement came to his voice.

The Thunderclan leader nodded. "In fact, _the next night _would prove to be more eventful than that…"

Goldpaw

That night I was haunted by horrible nightmares, they flashed by at an amazing rate. Fernshadow tearing my throat out was just one of them, but there was something about the way she did it that terrified me. Some sort of look in her eye, one splashed with pity yet burning with hate. Her claws were already stained with my own blood, and my eyes closed in horror as she lunged down and dug her teeth into my soft neck fur. Suddenly, the picture changed to a huge amount of cats watching me, every single cat in all of the clans flashed, amber green, black and blue attacked my body with glares and mocking glances. Then I was running, running for dear life, I turned back for just a moment to see all of the cats that had previously been watching tearing through the ground after me. I turned around and tried to run, but found my paws were stuck in some sort of muddy substance. I tried to move but my struggles just seemed to make me sink deeper into the ground. The cats shouted horrible things, things that I could never describe, but they hurt, they hurt a lot.

I was rescued from almost dying in my own dreams, something that I only could probably say.

Apparently, all my dreams were getting out of control, and if the cats that chased me that night had actually caught up with me, I would have been murdered in my own sleep. It almost happened, but just when they were about to leap on me and sink there knives deep into my body, a huge beam of light extended from the sky; it touched the nearest of my assasilants and it evaporated into the air at touch. My eys turned in shock to see a cat the exact colour of the ray descend from the heavens above, a cat with stars in his paws. One so huge and proud he looked like he could destroy the cats that chased me with a flick of his tail. As a matter of fact, that is exactly what he did. He flicked his tail and the beams grew much brighter, they shone over all of the cats for just a moment, and there eyes locked onto the light; then quite literally, right in front of my eyes, all my hunters disappeared in unison.

I was too shocked to speak, I gazed at my rescuer, attempting to speak some sort of reply, but the only sound that arose from my throat was a strangled sort of sound. But so peculiar: the thing that actually shocked me wasn't the fact that he had saved me from a painful death, what shocked me wasn't how he had destroyed my nightmares, what shocked was how this amazing cat looked _exactly _like me, only bigger and much, much stronger. With an air around him that I could never truly put in words, a kind of- pure confidence and excellence that made me seem extremely small and unimpressive. There was something about this cat's appearance that intrigued me, he was not only calm and cool, but he held himself up with a dignity that I had never seen before. His fur was sleek and the gold shone to perfection, he was very, very handsome and you felt you could simply just, trust him.

"Greetings young Goldpaw," the cat murmured. His voice was noble and deep with a twinge of perhaps arrogance; I could tell that he was a cat who took pride in how he looked. He padded up to me and touched his nose to mine in greeting; it was like being touched by stars.

"Are you, are you a cat from Starclan?" I asked hesitantly. I was not exactly sure if I was _allowed_ to speak in the presence of a tom so… pure.

"Yes," the cat smiled back. I was overwhelmed by how friendly he was. "Yes I am."

I began to gain some comfort and confidence. With a little less tension I looked into his eyes, just looking at amber for just a second, when suddenly something extroadinary happened. As I looked, suddenly, his eye disappeared and was replaced by the image of something red. My eyes narrowed, unsure of what to think, but then to my amazement, two huge beats smashed into the air and I leapt back in shock. Then it happened again, and again, the red thing hitting two beats every second.

Then I realised what it was.

A heart.

The cats voice echoed into my eyes again. "I'm here to give you three things: the first, what I am showing to you now.

"This is your heart, Goldpaw, your own heart," I gasped at this speech, but he hushed me comfortingly to calm my stress, and he began to speak again. "This keeps your body working, punping your blood around you to keep your system alive. But it does more than this; it holds one of the most powerful things in life-

Love. Now, in your life, you have experienced very little of this because of all the hate from your clanmate's. No one has ever expressed appreciation to your existence… well… I don't speak the truth. Poor young Goldpaw, you are more loved than you think, there is a cat in Thunderclan who likes you very, very much," interest flashed across my body, but deep inside, I knew it was more than this. I, it was like stepping into unfamiliar territory. Love? Appreciation? What did all these strange words mean? I had never heard of them-

Maybe I had, love. Yes, I did, know what it meant. Because, I, felt it for someone.

A smile, somewhere in the dark. "Yes Goldpaw. Yesterday, you experienced love for the first time. Featherstar, she praised you, am I correct. Something like this has never happened to you before, happiness satisfaction is something that you have never seen or had. Yet, Featherstar showed you exactly this, and, then your feelings exploded, for the emotions locked with in you were suddenly released, and they latched onto the nearest thing it could see: Featherstar."

I was quiet for just a moment, before I found words run out my jaw before I could prevent them from doing so. "Is she the one who loves me?"

Suddenly, the image of my own heart disappeared from my eyes and was replaced by the cat's pelt and whiskers once again. I felt slightly dazed, for the knowledge that I had just ingested was overwhelming, too much was coming in and it was coming in much, much too quickly. Emotions were bowling inside me and I felt sweaty and weak.

"Yes Goldpaw. She loves you because she saw all of the hate you were enduring, and, like you, her emotions exploded inside and caught the closest thing, you."  
For a moment, I just stared at him, not quite believing what I had been told, in love? Were me and Featherstar, _in love?_ The words replayed themselves over and over in my mind but I couldn't quite get my head round it. There was something about those words that didn't- sort of- make sense. In love… in love… in love… STOP SAYING THAT!

A small element of anger entered my eyes, and not knowing what I was doing, I snapped coldly to the cat. "What was the second thing you wanted to show me?"

For a moment, it dawned on me how impolite I must have sounded, and shocked, I opened my mouth to apologise to the Starclan cat, but he hushed me with a flick of his tail. "I know what I have told told will be difficult for you to truly understand for awhile, so it is not necessary for you to say sorry.

"On a different note, I must answer your question.

The cats eyes suddenly turned serious, "The second thing I am going to show you is something that could change your life." Interest sparked in my eyes, he must have seen it. He did not laugh though, I could sense there was some sort of nervousness in the air, an anxiety that for once, did not radiate from me.

"Look into my eyes, Goldpaw," he murmured. I wasn't exactly sure if I wanted to do, I had still not fully captured the concept of being in love, and he was probably about to show me yet another soul shattering revealation. But uneasily, I did as I was told and stared right in amongst those amber depths. Worry prickled down my spine as I wondered what would happe next.

Then suddenly, the amber evaporated once again and it was replaced by a boiling sunny day. I blinked in the sunlight, dazzled by the heat and rays. As my eyes came accustomed the light, I gasped, for I could see myself, watching something really quite peculiar.

In the relaxing shadow of a fern plant, there was a paw. That was it, just a paw, it did not bleed; it was just there, a cat's paw in the shade.

Suddenly the plant reached down and grabbed the paw, it did not struggle though. As it was lifted, the leaves entangled themselves in the paw, curling around its fur and holding it against its root. For a moment he thought he saw something glint on the paw, I realized that it was a claw, and it seemed to be glowing, glowing a sort of beautiful colour that he could not describe.

Quite suddenly the entire image disappeared and it was replaced by the serious voice of the cat. "The shadow in which you hide is a dangerous one. Don't let it consume you…"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

A cat nudged me and I woke up; blinding colours burst back into my eyes. The prophecy! A surge of excitement blew through me! Starclan had sent me a prophecy. They had been strange words, what had he said? _The shadow in which you hide is a dangerous one. Don't let it consume you._

But then suddenly, the image of Featherstar came back to my mind and I shivered. Oh Starclan, was I really in love with the beautiful Thunderclan leader?

Again, I remembered her smile, and the gentle way she had praised my squirrel and mouse. Yes, I did.

"You look cheerful," a voice echoed into my mind. My vision cleared and I saw a brown tabby tom with a comfortable look on his face. It was Thrushtail. A tom with one long scar on his flank, he was very popular in Thunderclan. After all, it was hard not to be poular when you were the deputy of the clan. Not only that he was also extremely friendly and nice to be around. It was a surprise that he did not have a mate yet.

"You're the only warrior apprentice in Thunderclan at the moment, looks like you face a hard apprenticeship!" his voice was kind but there was no doubt that he meant it. I jumped to my feet and began to stretch self-conciously. Being caught by Thrushtail asleep had made me jumpy.

"Am I on patrol?" I asked. I couldn't say that I fancied the idea of being in patrol: I felt a sudden urge to see Featherstar again.

"No, but the elders want you to check them for ticks." Oh no! I had heard stories about the horrors of ticks. Apparently, they were beastly bloodsuckers that stuck to the fur of Thunderclan elders. Oh well, I got up and padded away from Thrushtail and out into the clearing.

Another day ruined.

"Come on," Fernshadow said impatiently. "I haven't got all day you lazy apprentice."

Damn, I thought. What horrors has she got in store for me? A sudden feeling of worry flashed across my mind. I couldn't face another day of hurt and humiliation. I hadn't even got my ear checked yet. I felt foolish as I padded across the camp to the elders den with Fernshadow, but another emotion, one unexpected flew through me this time. Was it my imgination, or did Fernshadow just mutter something about being sorry to him?

As we padded in, Fernshadow welcomed the old bedraggled elders. My first impression was that they would be old and grumpy, the tom there had a long scar through his left ear but he a kind enough look, the queen, I wasn't sure about. There was certain air of boredom in how she held herself, I tipped my head to one side, and she was constantly giving stares to the patchy flecks of white on her muzzle with an annoyed look on her face.

As Fernshadow introduced me to the cats, I noted that her voice didn't seem quite as harsh as yesterday.

"I'm Scarface," said the old tom with a kindly face. "This is my best friend, Shetland."

Shetland? Where was the second part? Scarface must have guessed what I had been thinking because he replied immediately. "She decided she did not want a warrior name when we brought her in."

"Shouldn't you be proud of your warrior name?" I asked shyly. To be honest, I wasn't shy at all, I was just being cautious. Because you see, when it came to me, it was useful to size up a new cat you were talking to see if it was friendly or hostile. I had already got the impression that Shetland was going to be one to avoid but Scarface seemed ok, but there was some element of- danger in his eye. Scarface smiled and opened his mouth to reply but Fernshadow interrupted-

"Stop asking stupid questions," she snapped harshly, hurt hit me like wind; it chilled my insides. I felt the beginning of a growl rising in my mouth; I choked a little, struggling to hold it down. Starclan in heaven!

My eyes flashed away from Fernshadow and back to Scarface, obviously, he may be old, but nothing was affecting his eyesight. The ageing tom had caught the emotion that had bleeded through myself that moment. His eyes narrowed slightly but I broke our gaze and stared at the ground.

"So, ticks-" my head came to the side as I heard Shetland speak for the first time. It surprised me at how soft her voice was, her scarred and ruffled fur made her look like some sort of monster, but her voice made her seem like some sort of pampered kittypet. "I suppose, as the only apprentice of Thunderclan at the moment, you're going to be doing a lot of these things, so lets get down to buisiness."

I cringed a little when Fernshadow sent me a small look of triumph at my labour, anger raised inside me a little further. I drew in a deep breath before smiling through gritted teeth. Obviously, even if her attitude to me had gained friendliness, Fernshadow still despised me.

I was only half listening as the elders began to explain the principles of removing ticks; the other half of my concentration was fixed on the entrance to the den: I could just about see Featherstar thorugh the gap. I smiled for just a moment as she padded thorugh the camp, speaking perhaps momentary words of greeting to the cats of her clan.

My ears flicked forward so that I could hear a conversation between her and a cat I didn't quite recognise. "Have you see Goldpaw at all? I wanted to talk to him about something."

Hope shone through my fur; for once though, it didn't die as the other cat immediately sent a barbed jibe about me. Wiping the grin of my face, I put all my concentration onto Shetland again. I realised that they were all looking at me expectantly as if they were waiting for me to do something.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "What was that?" Scarface chucled a little but all Shetland did was roll her eyes and mutter something about me being typical.

I saw the two eldersbegin to open their mouth again but another sentence aose from Fernshadow's mouth. "Come on you git Goldpaw, I haven't got all day."

That did it. I lost my temper completely; I hissed and growled, "You think that you can just push me around Fernshadow. I don't understand! Starclan, I'm a cat as well, you know my amazing mentor!" I spat at her feet but to my surprise, she didn't react so carried on. "Half this stinking clan look at me like I'm a stranger who's just come in and tried to murder Featherstar. I hate every single one of you! Why can't you just treat me like the cat I am." With this I ran out of the elder's den, a newfound sadness burning inside, I was close to tears again; I wanted to bury myself into my den, alone with no other apprentice's to play with. My life was unbearable; I had nothing to live for.

"Goldpaw?" my head turned from the direction of the apprentice's den and into the blue eyes of Featherstar. A small ember hit me and I felt want burn inside. "I've been looking for you for a while," she continued, "you are free?"

I nodded, but I suppose I was lying. Glancing back, I noticed that Fernshadow hadn't come back after me so I followed her away from the Thunderclan camp and into the musty smells of the forest. Trees swayed in the morning breeze and I breathed in the fresh air, it was somewhat relaxing, Featherstar did not stop as I did though so I struggled after her. As we moved I noticed that we were heading back towards the lake, were Fernshadow had taken me yesterday, but we soon swerved of that path and towards the west of Thunderclan territory.

Soon, we reached a place in the territory that I had never seen before. It was standing under the shade of a yew, and there was hollow inside it, I wondered if we were going to go in, but we didn't.

Featherstar turned around so that she was facing me and gazed for a while, just staring, before speaking.

"So, Goldpaw," she said quietly. To be honest, I wasn't completely listening: I was drowning in the colour of her fur. I felt like some sort of disease had caught hold me because I was boiling hot, the forest was flying madly around me, and I was certain I was going to faint. "I needed to say something to you-" she cut of at this moment.

I wanted her to continue so I cut in, "Yes Featherstar."

She still did not speak, but I saw a clear yet unspoken message radiating from her eyes. She moved forward slightly and I swear my pelt froze-

We were too close, I could see every fleck, every tuft of fur on her face…

"Featherstar?" a voice echoed from a nearby bush, immediately, she pushed me into the hollow of the tree, I gasped at her sudden change in attitude but had the sense to stay quiet as a cat didn't recognise padded out of the gorse. "Fernshadow was asking for Goldpaw, do you know where he is?"

Featherstar shook her head in an even fashion. "Because he caught the prey yesterday I thought I would see his skills but he went out hunting and I lost him. He's probably back at camp now."

The cat nodded and the leader followed her into the forest, after casting a sidelong glance at me that said that I had to get back to camp.

Swallowing the anger inside, I padded out shaking the leaves from my pelt, and I followed the scent trail back to the Thunderclan camp. When I arrived, the camp was unusually quiet, as if Starclan had cast a spell on my clan. My eyes searched for my mentor and soon enough found her eating a rabbit by the fresh kill pile, I padded up, expecting the worst.

"Am I going to get an apology?" she snapped as soon as I came in view. My eyes narrowed, unsure of what to think. Surely she should be apologising to me for how she insulted me? Turning away, I padded towards the apprentice's den again, only to be called back by an annoyed Fernshadow. As I looked back, I noticed there was a sort, emotion buried in het eyes that I couldn't quite identify. "Goldpaw, apologise, right now!"

Something in her voice left me in no doubt that she meant what she said. I apologised, sighed deeply, and then moved back into the apprentice's den where I slept.

That night I didn't dream, but I heard something strange. My eyes flickered open for just a second, shifting in and out of conciousness. There was some sort of commotion going on out sort- I lazily put my ears in the direction of the noise and rested my head on my paws.

I didn't hear much of what was being said, but I was sure that I recognised a voice taling with a strange sort of, madness that I had never heard before…

The next morning I remembered nothing: I had been awake for to little.

It was really rather dark that morning, so I wondered if I should get up anyway. Ignoring the voice inside my head that tempted me back into my nest and padded outside.

I was walking so blindly that I did not notice Featherstar standing in front of me, and I crashed right into her.

She let a small call mew of laughter, not loud enough to wake anyone up though.

I stood up and began to wash self-conciously, I felt extremely embarrassed at how I had been so clumsy, but then I realised that it was Featherstar I was talking to and I fell quite. A little red in the face, she signalled wordlessly over into the direction of her den, I caught the message well enough. I did as I was told and followed her into her den, where we muzzled each other for the first time.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Goldstar

Goldstar breathed in the delicious memory. How his life had changed so dramatically and so quickly. Those words would give him the determination to overcome later problems, yet so cruel: it would also cause half his problems.

Robinpaw looked absolutely mesmerized. "The Thunderclan leader loved you when you were just an apprentice! How much older could she been? Half of the clan wanted you to fail! Great Starclan, you weren't kidding when you said that day would be more eventful than the first."

Goldstar laughed at the shocked look on the apprentice's face. It was only then that he realized it must have been midnight. "How late I've kept you up Robinpaw. You really must get some sleep now."

"But-"

"No, don't complain. I'll tell you the rest of the story tomorrow, Robinpaw. I promise."

The medicine cat apprentice brightened up immediately, "Ok!"

When Robinpaw had disappeared into Skyblood's den, Goldstar settled down into his nest and closed his eyes peacefully, memories flooded back to him. He remembered the first time he had slept under the Highledge. The second day of his apprenticeship, Featherstar's pelt pressing up against him. Love shining between them…

It had been the start of a chain of murders that would change the young Goldpaw's life.

Robinpaw

Robinpaw twitched; he wanted Goldstar to tell him the rest of the story. The story that had been started was the best he had ever heard, events smashed through Goldpaw's life like lightning. He recalled, all the pain that the Thunderclan leader had described, it must have been agonizing to actually be Goldpaw.

The dreams that fell through him all included what he imagined Featherstar to be like and how beautiful she must have been. What Goldpaw must have felt to have his pelt pressed against hers, they were peaceful dreams, but the part of the story he dreamt most about was the mysterious prophecy, the one that had been sent to Goldpaw by the cat that looked like an older copy of Goldpaw. Robinpaw attempted to interpret what the prophecy meant- after all- he was a medicine cat apprentice. He found it harder than it looked, the elders had told him tales of the prophecy, fire alone can save the clan. That had meant a cat, fire meaning Firestar, perhaps the words just needed to be put in the right place. The paw had been resting in the shadow of a fern plant? Fern- fern, a fern plants shadow, Fernshadow! Robinpaw snapped awake, "It has something to do with Fernshadow!"

"Quiet! I'm trying to rest," Skyblood snapped.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. He tried to settle down again but he couldn't get the queen that Goldstar had described out of his mind. She had a part to play in the prophecy!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

"Featherstar," Goldstar murmured in his sleep. His pelt ruffled and his eyes began to open, it was sunrise. He yawned and stood up, the tom smiled to himself, another day in Thunderclan!

I certainly didn't feel pleased about a new day when I was an apprentice, the golden tom thought. He padded outside to see the clearing already bustling with cats, he saw his deputy, Fernshadow, outside calling out the orders for a hunting patrol.

"The night patrol had better get some rest," she said. "Fawncloud, you take Branchclaw and Jaggedpaw. The dawn patrol will come back in a minute."

Goldstar called down to Fernshadow that he would like to join the hunting patrol and he also asked if Fernshadow would take the liberty in joining him. She nodded and the queen followed him out of the den. Goldstar examined her as they caught up with the hunting patrol. He realized the Fernshadow was not the young and energetic cat that he chose to be his deputy all those seasons ago, Goldstar guessed she would be joining the elders den in perhaps two more years.

"I remember when you used to abuse me as my mentor," Goldstar purred, so delicately that only Fernshadow could hear.

"Felling nostalgic, eh?" Fernshadow laughed. "So am I! Yes, those days were dark." She paused and looked at the ground. "I also remember those gruesome murders. Everything was tense and now one knew whom they could trust, but we did it! Didn't we! We solved it! With a price of course."

"Yes," Goldstar replied darkly. "We lost more than we gained…"

It was dark when Robinpaw returned to Goldstar's den to hear the rest of story. He was bursting with excitement, and he talked of his first day gathering herbs with Skyblood so enthusiastically, so he had obviously enjoyed it. The same couldn't by said for weak and unhappy Goldpaw, the small tom who had been fuelled by the love of the Thunderclan leader. It made Goldstar sad as he began his story again.

Goldpaw

I curled up in the shadow of Featherstar's den, so happy and peaceful. It felt nice to… well, how I could I describe than nice to survive? If anyone was the leader it was Featherstar. And I loved her for it. There was no need to be sad; there was no need to be alone. I slept with Featherstar that night; I forgot the prophecy and everything that worried me. I was happy for one blissful night, a night so very blissful.

When the sun came up it was a world too early, but I forced myself to get up and move away from the warmth of Featherstar's body, and I felt a little queasy as I padded into the clearing. There were no cats to watch me, so I went into the apprentice den and sat there until I would hear the call of Thrushtail. I thought that I would go to the elders and carry out the role that Fernshadow had asked me to carry out the day before, but then I thought of the punishment that I would probably get from Thrushtail as he called; it was true that I was nervous, but I was less afraid of prying eyes that day. I emerged from my den before Thrushtail came in, but he called me over so that he could talk to me, the clearing was once again bustling with cats; it did not bother me. I had gained confidence, I felt that I could leap over the moon and destroy Starclan in under a second. I was elated.

"I heard you did not treat the elders yesterday Goldpaw," he said sternly. "You should not have ignored Fernshadow."

"I apologize, Thrushtail," I said. "Please feel free to punish me, I will treat the elders for the next moon if I must."

Thrushtail's ear's pricked in surprise, "That will not be necessary Goldpaw, just do the elders. Apology accepted, tell Fernshadow to take you out on a border patrol with me today."

I dipped my head in respect, and, holding my tail high, I padded into the elders den. Shetland and Scarface greeted me evenly, ad to be honest, I couldn't blame them. We had definetly got of to a very shaky start that but my apology seemed enough. They cheered up as they explained how to check them for ticks, for the second time. I grimaced at how many of the horrible things I found amongst the elders pelt, but it was my duty as a Thunderclan apprentice, so I carried on until I ran out of mouse bile. I said this to the elders and I padded out of the den. It was light outside and there were a strange scent in the air, I sniffed warily, unsure of what to think. What was it? I smelt again, searching for some sort clue to what I could scent flowing in the air, but the feeling seemed to disappear almost as quickly as it came. I frowned then, shrugging, went to the medicine cat den to get more of the disgusting stuff. The clearing was hard on my paws, and I had no prying eyes smash onto me this time, I thought I was in clear but-

"Hello Goldpaw!" I turned around. It was Firestorm; he sat on his haunches, looking at me happily. I felt a strange kind of… pleasure hit me for just one second. I recalled the kind of hate I had felt last time I interacted to him, but it had obviously disappeared. "It's a beautiful day isn't?"

"Yes," I replied. "Yes, it is."

His ears pricked up at my friendliness and he looked even more happy than usual. "I understand you're doing the elders. I'm sorry."

"Hey!" I said playfully. "An apprentice gotta do what an apprentice gotta do."

"Fernshadow must be less hostile than I thought to get you cheerful!"

I stopped chatting at this, for a cat I trusted had mistaken my enthusiasm for Fernshadow's work. Firestorm flicked his tail and asked where she was, I promptly told him that she was out and that she had told me to treat the elders.

I left Firestorm on his own in the clearing and I padded forward into the medicine den. The den ranked strongly with an unmistakable odour of herbs and I hated its smell almost as much as I hated the elder's ticks! The medicine cat, Waterheart, was showing Skypaw about herbs, well that was what I guessed. She greeted me warmly.

"I need mouse bile Waterheart," I said quickly, I couldn't bear standing in that den for much longer, she nodded towards the mouse bile, so I moved over and I picked some up in my jaw. My head moved up a little from the bile to Skypaw, she seemed a little shocked for a just a moment at my arrival, and this confused me. Surely she had seen me in camp before, I was literally famous in Thunderclan for uselessness. Face brighteneing a little, she meowed a quick yet warm hello before I disappeared back into the horrors of the elder's ticks. On the travel abcl through the camp and towards the den, I noticed in my mind once again the emotion I had caught in Skypaw's gaze, but I shook my head and emptied the memory from my mind. Relief fell through me momentarily as I began to concentrate on a different task. The ticks fell off almost in unison of when I put the mouse bile on.

"Thank you Goldpaw," Scarface purred. "You'll be a warrior in no time."

I felt pride swell up inside me. "Than you!" I ducked out of the elder's den and sat down in the clearing nearby Thunderclan's fresh kill pile. My eyes flickered over t some cats I did not recognise by a small boulder by a couple of warriors that I did not recognise, sharing tongues. It then occurred to me that that process was completely unfamiliar with me; I had never actually _shared _tongues before. The term was like second nature to most but I had basically not heard of it. Sighing, my eyes turned and fell onto some warriors near me.

I realised my mistake almost immediately. They shot me hostile glances and began to whisper things just loud enough for me to hear.

"Hear comes the burden!"

"I hope he dies next season."

"He probably will, considering how pathetic he is!" I resisted the urge to sink my claws into their pelt and make them bleed viciously to death, but I held, as I hadn't even had any fighting training. I made me all the angrier; I practically grabbed my tongue to stop myself sending a rude retort. My annoyance and anxiety welled up inside me once more.

"Is little Goldpaw going to cr-" before one of the warriors could finish their next mocking words a huge shape jumped out of nowhere and smashed into the warrior. Blood; in quantity. It splashed from the fur of both cats and made a small pool of red on the stone. My eyes opened wide in surprise! I was too shocked to speech. Of all the cats that could leap to my rescue I did not expect that cat.

It was Fernshadow.

She was scratching and clawing the tom madly, he screeched angrily. It only took a couple of seconds for me to realize that she was breaking the warrior code for my sake! How had all this happened? I was so dazed that I did not notice the three other warriors advancing towards me, all battle scarred and dangerous looking. One was a queen; the others were toms.

"I've had enough of this fox-heart," one spat. "It's time we got rid of him."

"Yeah," the queen growled. "I don't care what Featherstar said. I'll fight to kill him!"  
I gasped and backed away, they were going to kill me. My confidence faded immediately. Fernshadow would not come to my unexpected rescue this time; they were going to kill me. I carried on moving until my back was up against the rock of the camp. I was terrified, the tom's claws were unsheathed and he was looming over me, about to kill-

Another two shapes came to my rescue, they leapt on the tom, bowling him out of the way! It was Scarface and Shetland! They were fighting with the strength of Starclan; they overwhelmed the cats and drove them back and back and back. I realized with dawning horror that this was turning into a full-scale civil battle…

The queen broke away from the elders and leapt at me, a crazed look on her face. This time I was certain that I was going to die.

Another cat came to my aid. Thrushtail! He leapt up and met the queen head on, they broke into a fight, a battle yowl echoed across the clearing and the whole of Thunderclan exploded into war, clan mate turned on clan mate, claws were scathed across each others faces, wounds were inflicted mercilessly. I stared on in complete horror- this was what I had led Thunderclan too? This noble clan, one so great, suddenly stooping so low because I existed.

Suddenly a voice of anger blasted across the camp. "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" I turned my head and my face lit up with hope. It was Featherstar! She had jumped onto the Highledge, a face of undisguised rage burning across the clearing, her claws were unsheathed and I swear they had buried themselves right through the Highledge itself.

"How dare you!" her voice echoed. She leapt down from her height and walked through the cats, they all looked tiny compared to my leader. Oh great Starclan, how quickly her attitude had changed, she carried on moving until she reached me. Her voice tone did not change.

"Get out of the camp now, before you get hurt," she snarled. There was something in her voice that left me in no doubt that she meant it. I dashed away like the wind, powered by fear and horror. I ran and ran and ran; I ran until my pads were sore. I ran through the forest until I could run no more, I ran until I collapsed to the ground, panting heavily and out of breath. The Ancient Oak loomed above and I buried myself into its huge roots, the dirt fell onto my pelt but I couldn't care less, because I cried then, I cried bitterly and sadly. I cried for the longest time that a cat had recorded, Starclan did not have the power to stop the tears. I cried for hours, I hadn't finished by nightfall. Not by moonhigh, it felt like forever.

Only at dawn did I remember Featherstar.

Oh Starclan, how I wished to be curled up beside her once more. How I wished to hear her gentle voice, not the one that had scared me to the bone. The one that had given me hope.

I pulled myself together when I thought of her words again.

When I stopped crying I was a different cat…

Robinpaw

Robinpaw listened, his mouth open wide once more, Goldstar could sense the disbelief and amazement that clung to his pelt. "At loss for words huh?" the Thunderclan leader laughed.

"I never knew a cats life could be so horrible," Robinpaw murmured quietly.

"Mine was, for a while," Goldstar said.

"You really cried for an entire day!"

"Yes, it makes me sad to remember it."

Silence fell between the two of them for a moment. Robinpaw was the first to break the silence, "Um, Goldtsar. I thought about Fernshadow, she's our deputy now isn't she?" Goldstar nodded. "Well, she also has a large part to play in that prophecy, doesn't she? I tried to interpret some of it, and I realized that the paw was resting in the shade of a fern plant. That means Fernshadow doesn't it?"

Goldstar laughed. "You are obviously a future medicine cat Robinpaw. Yes, Fernshadow has a very important part to play in the prophecy."

"Roinpaw?" it was Skyblood. Her white fur and crimson eyes entered the den, "Goldstar, is he with you?"

Goldstar nodded, "Yes Skyblood. Robinpaw, you should be getting some sleep."

"But I!" he stuttered.

"You can hear the rest tomorrow."

"Is Goldstar telling you about his apprenticeship?" Skyblood asked as the two of them settled down into their nest.

"Yes," Robinpaw meowed eagerly. "He is! And it's so exciting, and sad, and-"

"I know," Skyblood purred. "I was training to be a apprentice then. It was a very eventful time for Thunderclan, did he tell you about the short Thunderclan civil battle?"

"Yep!"

"You've got a lot to go then!"

Robinpaw was filled with thoughts about what would happen in the next part of Goldstar's journey. It was just getting more and more exciting! What would happen next was the question! Robinpaw was so excited about the tale that he hardly noticed the night fly by, it was over in a couple of seconds for Robinpaw. He was not sleepy, he wanted to hear the next part of Goldstars story so badly, and he probably would have battled the whole of Shadowclan to hear the next part…

Goldstar

Goldstar lead his patrol through the undergrowth, the wing breezing across his face. He breathed in, I should do this more often. He stopped as they reached the Sky Oak; "We can hunt here." the Thunderclan cats dispersed around the tree and began to disappear into the undergrowth. Goldstar sat down: memories had begun to flood back into him. This was where he had cried, this was where he had sat as an apprentice and cried so bitterly. Just here, underneath the Ancient Oak, he remembered the sadness that had flown through him and Featherstar telling him to run.

Oh Featherstar, I still wish you were here. He sighed, I still love you, he murmured to the clouds.

"Daydreaming?" Fernshadow padded out of the undergrowth and sat down next to him. Goldstar sighed and nodded.

"You look blue, what's up," Fernshadow's expression was unreadable, but her eyes gave away concern. Goldstar suddenly an overwhelming desire to tell his best friend about the cat he had loved. The secret he had kept from his clan for so long.

"Fernshadow," Goldstar began hesitantly. "Can you keep

a secret?"

Sparks of interest lit up the queen's eyes and she nodded.

"Me and Featherstar were mates," Fernshadow had never looked so shocked. Perhaps that was what disturbed Goldstar, she looked very shocked, very, very shocked.

"You were?" there was now a quiet edge to her voice that he had only heard in his nightmares of the queen. He would admit to his friend that sometimes he was afraid of her. Goldstar began to feel nervous that he had said something very wrong.

"Well I-" Goldstar said nervously.

"You're the father of Featherstar's unexplained kit aren't you," Fernshadow whispered. Goldstar began shake inside him; he fought to keep calm. Was it his imagination or did Fernshadow sound slightly angry now?

"All that time, you were only six moons older than your own kit?" Fernshadow said more firmly now. "You were still an apprentice when your son became one?"

Goldstar nodded, anxiety coursed through him. "I know it's a little strange, but-"

"It's more than that!" suddenly Fernshadow looked menacing. "Don't you know how strange that is?"

"What's your problem?" Goldstar could feel his own anger burning inside him. What was making Fernshadow act so strange? His secret wasn't against the warrior code.

"Can't you see why I'm ticked of?" she growled. "You lied to the entire clan! You lied to your own kit! All that time, he looked up to you and wanted to be you! Don't you see? What if he found out?"

"He would be happy! He always wondered who his father was!"

"Why didn't you just tell him then?" Fernshadow retorted.

Goldstar stopped; there was something about that question that froze him in his tracks. "It was different then. The clan hated me, how would they have reacted if they found out that there clan leader had been in love with me? The tensions between all of us were very strong then, if I had told them, the clan would have fought again. Like the time they did when I was an apprentice."

Fernshadow didn't reply to this, instead she just stared at him. An unbelieving look in her eye, there was something wet in her eye. Was it Goldstar's imagination or did was Fernshsdow crying? The queen turned around and padded away through the undergrowth, leaving Goldstar in a fire of confusion.

Robinpaw

Robinpaw saw Fernshadow padding back into the camp with a fire in her eyes that he had not seen before. All her fur was ruffled and it was standing on end, he padded forward carefully, he was a medicine cat apprentice. It was his duty to help.

"Are you ok Fernshadow?" he asked hesitantly.

She turned to him and shouted; Robinpaw almost jumped out his fur. "FINE!"

It was so loud that the entire clan turned to her and looked on in surprise. Fernshadow realized the attention she attracted and he thought he saw a tear splash onto the queen's cheek. The reaction reminded him of someone, Goldpaw.

Goldstar

Goldstar sat on the Highledge, looking for Fernshadow. The sun was coming down and Goldstar was worried: the queen hadn't spoken to anyone since he had told her his secret.

Was I right to tell her? Goldstar thought. He shifted his paws uncomfortably; there had been something in her reaction that had scared him. Why had it scared him? The golden tom was so lost in thought he did not notice Robinpaw padding up to the Highledge.

"Hey Goldstar," he said. "Are you going to tell me the rest of you story?"

"Yes," Goldstar replied absently, his mind still fixed on Fernshadow.

"Are you thinking about Fernshadow?" Robinpaw asked. Goldstar jumped in surprise.

"How did you know?" he spluttered.

Robinaw shrugged, "I saw her coming into camp and she looked upset. When I asked her what was up she shouted at me and ran away," his eyes suddenly widened. "You told her about Featherstar didn't you!"

Goldstar nodded, still a little dazed that the young apprentice had guessed so easily.

"Oh Goldstar," Robinpaw suddenly looked extremely wise. "You should have had more sense than that."

"What do you mean?"

Robinpaw rolled his eyes, "Its obvious. Haven't you noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

Robinpaw looked up, in surprise and confusion. "You must know that she loves you!"

Goldstar's mouth widened in shock! He opened his mouth to reply but Robinpaw cut in. He looked like the apprentice he was again, enthusiastic and full of life. "The story Goldstar! You promised…"

Goldpaw

When I woke up, I found a new bravery had been stored in my paws. The Thunderclan camp didn't seem so threatening as it had been the night before. That painful night where he had cried his eyes out, it seemed like a long time ago now.

I shook my fur and began to pad back to the camp on eased paws; I somehow felt that Featherstar was walking beside me, guiding my paw steps.

I hadn't even reached the Thunderclan camp when I came across the patrol, it was leaving, hunting, I guessed. Thrushtail was leading it with a couple of other warriors lagging behind; I padded out from the undergrowth and called out for Thrushtail to stop. He noticed me immediately and greeted me slowly: he obviously hadn't fully recovered from the night before. "Goldpaw, I see you have come back."

I nodded in respect. "May I join your patrol? I haven't really seen the borders yet."

Thrushtail flicked his tail, "Fernshadow is with us, and she can guide you."

I fell into to step behind the patrol, Fernshadow slowed down so that I could catch up. I felt nervous, still unsure of how to treat my mentor. She had saved my life yesterday, but I wasn't sure if she would speak harsh words.

"Uh, hi," I said sheepishly. She grunted something in reply that I couldn't hear.

We reached the Shadowclan border in a matter of minutes, their rank stench flew over the line and into my nose and I grimaced.

"Horrible, isn't it?" a new voice echoed into my ears. I turned around and saw a tom that I didn't recognize; he had a fluffy white pelt that stood out against the forest colours and deep amber eyes.

I blinked, "Who are you?"

"I'm Snowpool," the tom meowed. "Thunderclan senior warrior." I nodded slowly.

Suddenly Fernshadow appeared and began to hiss at the tom. "Snowpool. What are you mocking him about this time?"

Snowpool's eyes narrowed in annoyance, "I was just saying hello!" he protested.

"I didn't see you being so eager to do that yesterday Snowpool. You would shredded him yesterday if it weren't for me." Suddenly I recognized the tom; it was the one who Fernshadow had bowled over so ruthlessly, and the one who had said those things about me when I caught my first piece of fresh kill! I shivered and I felt my back suddenly arching in hostility. Fernshadow was obviously pleased at my support because she smiled for a moment before spitting at Snowpool. "Get lost!"

He hissed in annoyance before running away to join the rest of the patrol. Fernshadow looked down and I thought I heard a spark of pride. "Thanks for your support, Goldpaw."

I shrugged, "You're my mentor."

Fernshadow stopped walking and looked into my eyes, her own full of concern. "I'm really sorry about how I treated you on your first day," she said quietly. "I know I shouldn't have, but-"

"It's ok," I said quickly. "I forgive you." Inside, though, I wondered if I could ever truly forgive Fernshadow for what she had done. It still hurt inside when I thought about her cruel tauntintings and violence. Even so, my pelt was breathing with relief. It looked like a found another friend, even if it would take time to adjust to. I had been careful to keep track of people who were acting friendly towards me, Firestrike, Fernshadow, Scarface, Shetland, Thrushtail-

And Featherstar of course, beautiful Featherstar, the queen who I loved.

Suddenly the border with Shadowclan seemed very bright indeed.

"This is the Shadowclan border," Fernshadow murmured as we padded along. "There are always hostile to Thunderclan, try not to fight them," she paused. "That reminds me, we need to start battle training tomorrow. You'll need rest, lets get back to camp."

I padded back with Fernshadow happily, I found a strong urge to say hello to Featherstar when we got back to camp. I found an overwhelming wish for it to happen.

The two of us got back to the camp quickly, I remembered the way so Fernshadow did not have to remind me, I had been proud of that.

"Bye Fernshadow!" I called. Then I dashed across the clearing eagerly, I felt no fear; suddenly, my life was worth living.

When I reached the Thunderclan leaders den I thought that my heart was about to burst with happiness. I called inside and I heard purring reply, "Come in."

Almost as soon as I padded in, Featherstar leapt on me and pushed my body down onto her nest. I let myself go and lost myself in Featherstar's body warmth, she began to muzzle me and our tails twined together. My purring destroyed my worries, with the heat of her grey pelt pressed up against my own.

"I was so worried about you," Featherstar murmured. "I thought you had run away."

I purred so hard I thought my voice would break, "Featherstar, I couldn't leave. I love you…"

I couldn't bear the thought of loosing Featherstar then, she was my home. I remember that moment so clearly; I thought I could never end. Oh Starclan, the loss I would suffer when I realized that we could not be together.

Until that night, I had forgotten all about Starclan's prophecy. Featherstar had ruled my heart and mind for those days, I remembered it that night, and its meaning just dawned on me clearly as if it had been staring me in the face. The paw had been shining gold, and it represented me, I had been hiding in the shadow of a fern, which represented Fernshadow. _The shadow you hide in is a dangerous one. Don't let it consume you._

Could I really trust my mentor? I stayed wide-awake thinking about that question, and for once, Featherstar's warmth could not comfort me.

The next morning it was painfully cold, I moved away from Featherstar to see what had changed the weather so quickly. I stuck my head outside to see the clearing absolutely covered in white; there was more pouring down from the sky. What is it? I thought in wonder, I reached out a paw and one piece of white touched it. It was cold!

"Goldpaw, my love. It's called snow," I turned to see Featherstar come up beside my pelt, hers almost touched mine. "It comes in leaf bare."

"It's beautiful," I said softly. I was totally mesmerized by the snowflakes; Featherstar seemed to glow beside them.

"Snow also brings trouble Goldpaw," Featherstar murmured. "There is a horrible disease called Greencough that is only seen in leaf bare. Every clan dreads this season, a clan is lucky if a cat doesn't die in this season," she paused and a painful note entered her voice. "Elders and apprentices usually catch Greencough first."

I should have listened, if I had, then Featherstar would not have died.

Robinpaw

Robinpaw eyes were filled with pity, "Featherstar died. I'm sorry."

Goldstar flicked his ear, "Don't be. It is a loss I mourn every night, I loved Featherstar very dearly, but I took it on board and I carried on,"" Goldstar stopped. "Until the very end."

Robinpaw felt like crying, Goldstar was so much more than the strong and charismatic leader he admired. He had lost so much, he had been abused, but he carried on whatever the grief. Robinpaw felt admiration swell up inside him: Goldstar was a true leader.

And now he has another chance to be happy, a small voice echoed at the back of his mind. Robinpaw stopped and thought about what the voice had said. Did the Thunderclan leader have another chance, and what was that chance?

Fernshadow, she loved him! Happiness surged through Robinpaw, but it faded a little at another thought, Goldstar had loved Featherstar so very much, could he ever truly let her go? As he saw the grief swell up in Goldstar eyes as he remembered about how he talked about her. She had been the reason he had kept on living.

Could Goldstar truly love again?

"Robinpaw, it's midnight, you should go to bed now," Goldstar said quietly. The medicine cat apprentice nodded and walked away from the Highledge, thoughts pricking at his mind until he was willed to sleep by his nest


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

Fernshadow felt the pain; it was unbearable. There was a claw in her heart, everything was cold and there was a hole in inside. She felt like she was being torn apart, her whole world was crumbling; Goldstar had confided in her a terrible secret which meant that he trusted her. But she had been disillusioned; she had been a fool. She had thought that Goldstar had loved her, and she had thought that she had meant something to the handsome golden tom. Like he meant so much to her, she loved Goldstar so much. Oh Goldstar, Goldstar, please don't do this to me.

"I came to see if you needed my help," Robinpaw's voice echoed into her eyes, she turned her eyes onto the tabby tom, and he seemed suddenly quite wise.

"There's no cure for what I've got Robinpaw," Fernshadow said quietly.

The tom sat down next to her, "A broken heart can be fixed." Fernshadow turned to face him: she didn't see how the young apprentice could change anything.

"It must hurt, knowing he loved Featherstar," Robinpaw sympathised. "But Goldstar has another chance, don't you see Fernshadow. He's broken hearted as well! You can help him, Goldstar has another chance," the tom's words seemed to light a small fire inside her.

"Thank you Robinpaw," she whispered. "I will try."

The medicine cat nodded in relief, he licked Fernshadow on the ear, and then he padded out of the warriors den…

Goldstar

The next sunrise, Goldstar awoke to an empty stomach; the tom padded out from under the Highledge and over to the fresh-kill pile. Greenleaf had come with plentiful food. Goldstar picked a fat rabbit and settled down near the warrior's den. He found himself staring at the place longingly, as if he was waiting for someone. He felt a tug I his brain: he wanted a smooth black pelt to appear.

The golden tom remembered what Robinpaw had told him that night, the secret he had revealed. Was it true? Did his deputy love him?

"Oh Featherstar, I don't know what to do," Goldstar murmured.

Suddenly the very pelt he had been looking for appeared and Fernshadow emerged from the den. Their eyes met.

"Goldstar," she said.

"Fernshadow," it was like being introduced for the first time, Goldstar felt awkward.

"Uh, about what I-" Goldstar began but Fernshadow interrupted him. "No Goldstar, I should be apologizing. I'm sorry about how I acted, it wasn't on."

Had Fernshadow forgiven him? A prickle of hope tugged at his fur as the queen sat down beside him and eyed him, a new spark of enthusiasm in her eyes. "May we share?" Goldstar nodded; he felt a prickle on his spine that she had accepted his presence.

Goldstar watched and he felt a sense of peacefulness as the medicine cat apprentice padded towards his den. Robinpaw's tabby fur casted an eccentric silhouette against the burning sun, and he slowly sat down next to him.

"Robinpaw, just upon reference, did you convince Fernshadow to forgive me?"

The tom flicked his ears, " Of course," he seemed a little bothered. "The story please."

Goldstar felt a flash of amusement shoot through his body, and he grinned. "You know Robinpaw, I think I look forward to these evenings."

Robinpaw smiled. "So do I, and now, on with the story."

Goldstar smiled again before continuing, "Fernshadow was taking me hunting…"

Goldpaw

I ran after Fernshadow, panting in apprehension. Fernshadow was nearing further and further away from me, I hissed and put on pace. From my knowledge of the territory I knew we were heading for the Windclan border and I wondered why Fernshadow was taking me there. Shrugging, I saw her black pelt flash in the distance and I felt the thrill of the chase flow through me; I was eager to catch up.

Fernshadow stopped abruptly and I had to skid to a halt so I didn't crash into her. The snow was so deep that it covered my paws, and I suddenly felt unbelievable cold.

"Why are we here Fernshadow?" I asked.

"We're going to learn to catch squirrels," she said excitedly.

I narrowed me ears. "Why at the Windclan border?"

"Because I thought it would help you to gain knowledge of the border," she said simply. The answer didn't satisfy me but I kept quiet anyway.

"Now," Fernshadow mewed. "I understand that you find hunting rather easy, I've often seen you hunt, it's like you're already an expert. So, training shouldn't be so hard when it comes to hunting-" she paused, "catch me a squirrel."

"Really? Just do it?" I asked.

"Yep," my mentor said. I shrugged slightly and started to inhale, the scents of prey flowed in; I could detect lots of things, mice, rabbits, and a vole.

My eyes shot open: I had scented squirrel. Eagerly, I followed the scent, hoping that it wasn't so far away. I could hear Fernshadow's paw steps from behind as she followed me but I wasn't bothered, there was a feeling in my gut, one that egged me on.

Suddenly a stopped, I don't know why, my paws just suddenly stopped moving. The squirrel was close, I thought I could see it, but there was something else. I tried to move, but I found myself rooted to the spot, my paws seemed to refuse to move.

Panic started to prick it's way into my system; I was frozen. Something was touching me; there was a voice whispering to me, some air of danger that I couldn't identify.

"Goldpaw, what's going on?" I heard Fernshadow behind me, but her voice seemed to evaporate. I wanted to call but I was paralyzed with fear.

"Goldpaw," a voice echoed into his mind. "There is a danger coming to this forest. You scent a squirrel, but your paws do not allow you to move. Disobey them, follow your instincts." I nodded and, to my amazement, I found that my paws began to move once more, I was still petrified, but I could move.

Slowly, I began to follow the squirrel once more, and it led me away from the border and back into the forest. I could hear the rustling of leaves, and the presence of a small body. I dropped into a hunter's crouch, unsure and wary of what was to happen, the grey fur of the squirrel erupted from a bramble bush that stood by the shade of an oak tree. I felt my muscles tense, I felt the instinctive urge to spring but I dared not to: was the squirrel important?

"Hello," the squirrel spoke, a deep, echoing voice, "You are Goldpaw, am I correct?"

I hesitated; it was extremely strange to be speaking to a squirrel. I wondered if Fernshadow could hear it, but I felt almost certain she could not.

"Yes," I replied.

"Good," the squirrel nodded. I felt amusement at how strange it was to see a squirrel nodding, "now, you mustn't catch me." I opened my mouth to retort but it stared at me with a look that seemed almost demanding. He found his mouth had frozen and his voice would not allow him to speak.

"Goldpaw," it was Fernshadow. She moved forward just as I fainted, something had struck him, he was sure. Maybe it was just the shock of talking to a squirrel, I don't know. But something caused me to fall to the ground. My paws were swept out from under me and my mind hit black…

"How is he?"

"I haven't the faintest idea."

"What?"

"His heart is responding perfectly, all organs are working, no sign of injury, he's not asleep and he's not unconscious but he jus won't move. He's in some sort of a trance, it's unbelievable: he just refuses to open his eyes." I could hear voices in the distance.

"It's so weird, like nothing I've ever seen," that was Skypaw. Yes, Goldpaw remembered. The other voice was Waterheart, and the other-

My eyes snapped open, Featherstar!

A gasp. "His eyes are open. Lick him," Waterheart practically shouted at Skypaw, but she wasn't unnerved. Both queens looked over him, Skypaw's crystal white fur caught my vision, and Waterheart tabby fur stood up with Featherstar's.

"Are you okay Goldpaw?" Skypaw asked anxiously.

I shook myself and stood up. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I snapped. Suddenly I remembered, the squirrel, hitting the ground with a thud; I began to wash self-consciously. "I passed out didn't I?"

Waterheart stepped forward and nodded. "Yes, but it's all over now." I had to admire her confidence, and for some reason, I suddenly felt on the brink of tears. Skypaw noticed, and she leapt to my side, pushing me back into my nest softly. I felt complete terror grip, for some reason, I was having a nervous breakdown. I felt myself began to hyperventilate, and I tried to keep my eyes open but found I could only hear astonished voices.

"There is something wrong with him, he fainted for Starclan's sake, and now he's hyperventilating!"

"It's absolutely impossible! There's nothing wrong with him whatsoever, I've never seen anything like it," Waterheart murmured.

"You can do something, right," Skypaw meowed nervously.

"All I can do is wait, he seems to be frightened of something, I can see it in his eyes. He's terrified, but what of I couldn't fathom if my life was in the running."

Suddenly, I heard a tom's voice enter the conversation, "I heard Goldpaw was ill, what's up with him?" Snowpool! My ears pricked, why was he here?

"Fine," Waterheart said curtly, there was faint edge of anger in her voice.

"Whoa, I was just coming to see if our only apprentice was ok!"

"You didn't seem in the mood for that when you tried to kill him," Skypaw said quietly.

Snowpool glared at the medicine apprentice before turning to Featherstar. "I was wondering if you could join me in the forest."

I opened my eyes for a moment with interest and saw Featherstar's eyes flicker with confusion and surprise; I closed my eyes immediately. So he wasn't here to visit me at all! I felt Featherstar's presence flow away from the medicine den, and I felt a flash of curiosity flow over my pelt. Where was she going?

"Goldpaw, if you can hear me, you need to get some sleep." Skypaw's gentle voice lulled me. I wanted to go and see what was happening between my lover and my tormentor, but I decided that Skypaw was right. I felt myself relax and slip away from consciousness…

When I woke up, it was night and the moonlight flooded in through the entrance of Waterheart's den. I yawned quietly, there was still slight rustling outside, and I was about to go back to sleep when suddenly I heard hushed whispering.

"Snowpool and Featherstar still aren't back," the voice of tom whispering to another outside the medicine den.

"There probably muzzling each other's faces," the other tom chuckled. I felt anger crawl over my pelt, how dare he say that! Energy flashed into my paws and I resisted the urge to stand up and drag my claws across the tom's throat, but the rustling had passed and I heard the toms disappear into the warrior's den. With newfound confidence, I stood up, careful not to disturb Skypaw and Waterheart, and padded out of the medicine cat den.

Outside in the clearing it was eerily quiet, and cold. The snow still coated the ground and I felt a shiver run down my spine, the silence was unfamiliar to me and spooked me slightly. I shook my head and padded out of the Thnderclan camp.

Following my nose and intricate hunting skills, I stalked the lingering scent of Snowpool's and Featherstar's pelt. The freezing layer of white had covered up their tracks, but I was almost certain that they had been padding rather close. It confused me; they had been padding unusually close.

I sniffed the air currents and began to feel the scent get stronger; I followed the scent line as accurately as possibly and found it led me towards the Shadowclan border. Worry gripped me; I could sense an extremely strong fear scent. One of Featherstar's.

Oh Starclan, I froze then, caught with true and unique fear. There, staining, the snow-

Blood.

I ran after the scent frantically, it was so strong, Featherstar's fear scent, and happiness pricking from Snowpool's.

My eyes widened in horror: Featherstar was lying on the floor. Panic radiating from her fur, but her voice was prevented from making a sound. Snowpool's body was pressed up against Featherstar's, pinning her with his greater weight, he was raining lick after lick upon Featherstar's head, burying her with his tongue. I felt disgust roll over me, how dare he! Rage boiled inside, it had only just disappeared, but it appeared once more, I realized what he was doing then; it was rape, he was raping his leader!

I growled in pure fury and leapt out of the shadows at Snowpool, I smashed into him, bowling him off Featherstar. I dug my teeth into his back; all my hate and hostility towards the tom flashing into one blow, my mate got up and looked on, panting for breath and gasping.

"You!" Snowpool screamed. "Goldpaw, you wretched piece of foxdung!" He dug his claws into my belly, I screeched in agony and he shoved me off, leaping and pushing his paw against my neck. I choked and he grinned wildly, I felt shock submerge me, this respected cat was absolutely mad.

"Leave him alone Snowpool!" I turned my head to see Featherstar glaring defiantly at him. "I am your leader and I'm telling you to stop."

The crazed white tom laughed at her through a mouthful of blood. "You're not fit to be leader Featherstar! You now it should have been me who was chosen as deputy-" he chuckled and gazed down at me- "you're so unfit that you've actually fallen for this evil murderer!"

I felt confusion shadow my thoughts; I barely heard Featherstar's reply, "You're a psychopath Snowpool, always to hungry for power."

"SHUT UP!" rage boiled in Snowpool's voice, his claws dug further into my neck. I screamed but his paw gagged me. Despair clutched me. "Being deputy was my life, everything I trained for was taken from me by you! I've waited for so long to take this chance, and I spotted an usually juicy bit of prey-" he licked his chops of the blood in his mouth- "If you become pregnant, you'll have to step down, and I'll murder you in your sleep Featherstar, and who will suspect me? Your loyal mate!"

Featherstar looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean? Loyal mate?"

"If you don't announce me as the father of your kits, I will kill your mate," I felt horror roll of me. The mad senior warrior gazed down at me and whispered so Featherstar couldn't hear, "You've really bought yourself trouble haven't you?"

Featherstar unsheathed her claws and glared defiantly at Snowpool. "You will not kill him. FINE! I will announce you as my mate, gladly, but you must keep up your side of the bargain. No double crossing."

Snowpool grinned, and a lazy smile curled across his face. I felt myself growing weaker, my blood splashed across Snowpool's fur. He looked positively terrifying, my own blood glistening on his pelt in the moonlight. He looked like what he was: a crazed killer. "Naturally, you doubt my loyalty?"

"How could I not?" Featherstar hissed.

"Fair point-" Snowpool chuckled. For a moment, I thought that Snowpool would release me, after all, Feathertstar had given him what he had wanted. But if anything, the pressure increased.

"Snowpool!" I rasped. The last echoes of life were draining from me. "Please, let go."

"Fernshadow isn't here to help you now!" Snowpool spat.

He turned to Featherstar. "One more thing, say it," he purred.

Featherstar looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"If I am your mate, you'll have to say that you love me." Starclan, I was too weak to even feel hate. How can he enjoy torturing someone?

Feathertstar was horrified. "That wasn't part of the deal!"

The enjoyment disappeared from his mind and he growled. "Say it!"

There was pain in her eyes, but I could literally feel my life being ripped apart. "I- I-" she paused. Her mouth opened but no sound came out, I wondered if she would be able to get the words out. For what seemed like hours she just stood there before-

"I lo- I love you," she stuttered. I felt her pain as if it was my own.

"That's better," Snowpool whispered. The pressure disappeared, but I felt no relief. I watched in despair as Snowpool padded forward and licked Featherstar's ear with mock affection. "I might as well call you Featherwhisper, my sweet," he murmured. I could see Featherstar cringe, all the while attempting to get away, to come over to me. As I lay there, I felt almost certain I was doomed to die. Both Featherstar and I watched on in desperation as he padded slowly away, disappearing into the endless shadows.

Instantly, she was by my side, inspecting wounds. "Oh Goldpaw my love. I've gotten you into such a mess."

"There's nothing you can do Featherstar," I murmured. I meant what I said; I seriously believed there was nothing she could do. "I am going to di-"

"No!" she said with expanding ferocity. "You're are not going to die." Her voice grew softer, "There's a reason that Snowpool was here, and technically the leadership of Thunderclan is his by rights."

"Then how come it's your's?" I rasped. I had known that the events of the past had been unravelling around me when Snowpool held me to the ground, but I had no idea what they were about.

"I used to be a medicine cat," Featherstar said, "and my name had been Featherwhisper. Ever since I had been a kit I had watched our previous medicine cat with envy strong enough to kill, I wanted to be her apprentice, but there was a problem, she already had an apprentice-" sadness angulfed her and she gazed at the ground, "-his name was Snowpaw."

My eyes widened. "You mean Snowpool!" I immediately coughed. The effort of speaking was almost becoming too much for me.

She nodded. "I was so jealous. Snowpaw was a good apprentice; he was learning well and our medicine cat sung his praise=" she paused, "-soon I became a warrior apprentice but I scuffed everyting and was grumpy all the time. It was extremely ironic that Snowpaw was the only one who took the libity to try and knock down my barriers.

"That was when I saw my chance, gradually, I began to let Snowpaw in. I know it sounds so horrible but-" she stopped, remembering the past, "- I let him gain my trust. I developed a fake bond of friendship that I didn't return. It was sick, I admit it, but I was submerged by jealousy.

"Unfortunately, I took I too far. One day, when Snowpaw was gathering herbs, he called me out to help him, but he didn't want me to help him gathring herbs. He told me that he loved me."

There was an unmistakable element of grief in her voice. "I was so sorry for what I had done, and I knew it was wrong, but I had been so wrapped up in my own life. I used Snowpool. The next day, Snowpaw announced he was going to train to be a warrior. I was the only one who knew that he only wanted to do so because he loved me," she shrugged slightly, pain had entered her voice, "What else was there to do? I told Snowpaw- that- that I didn't love him; that Starclan had never destined us to be together. Of course, it was sick, and the newly named Snowpool hated me. I had lost a friend that I had used for my own ends," she paused again. "Then I became a medicine cat and I trained well, I became Featherwhisper when our previous medicine cat died.

"Snowpool was also a promising warrior and our leader seriously considered making him the next deputy when his old one had died in a border dispute. But then Starclan came-" she gulped, "- they said what I had done to Snowpool was not right, but it was needed if I were to follow the right path. They said that- that it was my destiny to become the leader of Thunderclan.

"It turned out that he received the prophecy from Starclan just after he had named Snowpool deputy- it- it was so cruel," Goldpaw was certain that he could see tears streaming down her face, but he was sure that he was hallucinating, "our leader stripped him of his title and gave it to me.

"There was much else to do, I took on the duty with pain for my lost friend. I admired how he seemed to have taken on the loss with such willingness. Everyone respected him for that, all of Thunderclan thought that his loyalty was overwhelming and he became a senior warrior. It was the best they could do for him after everything he had suffered.

"When I became leader, it took my clan a little time for them to fully trust me. In fact, I'm sure a couple still don't think that the leadership of Thunderclan is mine; they are still grieving for the loss of a Snowpool.

Everyone thought that I would name Snowpool the deputy of Thunderclan; everyone was shocked to the bone when Thrushtail became the next in line. He was shocked too, and he has had a lot to look up to, I admire Thrushtail for his courage and determination as well.

"Slowly, over the seasons, I have gained the permanent respect of Thunderclan. Actually, for a while, I even convinced myself that I had gained the respect of Snowpool again," she smiled a little at this, but her face darkened once more. "That is, until one day, Snowpool asked for my company out in the forest, and announced that he had to give me something for my success. He gave me a squirrel, that was it, but it seemed like everything in the world," she stopped and her face darkened further, the tears beginning to cease a little. "Of course I had been a fool to think that he had forgiven me, Snowpool could never forgive me…"

I have never quite finished digesting that information. My mind was under attack; the cold was holding on mercilessly, my blood was running away from me like the stuff was afraid. I must have lost more than half of my blood to the snow and winter that night, my body flowed away into the lake, and the snow _and_ the white tom stole my insides. I was being eaten alive, devoured by the darkness, engulfed by endless pain. If _anyone_ felt agony, it was I; Featherstar was so close but so far away. I had never felt so alone, so helpless. Anything, even death, was better than this pain.

Yet life clung to me like a disease- how could one wish to end everything that he had been given? Prey, water, friendship… love… it all seemed so tiny and unimportant as Starclan pushed on, determined not to allow my body to decay.

Featherstar pressed her body up against mine, perhaps it was out of spite or foolishness, but her ministrations seemed to soothe my hostility towards my own life. The love that connected us was the only thing that I found to be truly real, imagination is a strong source, if my mind were simply running rings around me; tricking me into believing what was not real, I would never forgive myself.

"I love you Featherstar."

"I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six:

Robinpaw gazed at Goldstar with a look of understanding as he spoke the words of his mate. Goldstar smiled: it was good. He had never spoken of these events to any cat before, to speak them to a cat who understood his pain was all the better.

Oh Robinpaw.

Goldstar felt anguish pull him, I've kept this secret for so long, poor young Goldpaw. With his inexplicable pain, his supreme shrewdness and intelligence locked within him, all his potential uknown to even himself.

The door to his true life would soon be opened. Goldstar would soon be realeased into the world, with his bravery and grief, the leader of Thunderclan, the ambitious warrior, the young apprentice, determined to prove that he had undying loyalty to his birth clan… and… and the secrets buried away.

The secrets kept from Robinpaw himself.

Oh my medicine cat apprentice, he thought, the web of lies and secrets that protect will shatter eventually- and when the time comes, will you innocent mind be able to cope with the truth.

"Did your apprenticeship just go on like this, with agony and love?" Robinpaw asked quietly.

Goldstar couldn't bring himself to pull his mask of smiles back to his face. "No. There is more heartbreak, yes, but the first murder has not yet been revealed."

Robinpaw nodded slowly- and- guessing what Goldstar was going to say next, he leapt to his paws and padded back through the camp to the medicine den. Goldstar watched him go with a feeling of slight disapproval, he, Goldstar, wanted to carry on his story and tell the whole story to Robinpaw. But his mind was somewhat lulled by the idea of sleep, in unison, he let out a small but identifiable yawn of laziness. The golden tom kinked his tail over his tail and padded into his den.

A surprise met his eyes.

By the side of his nest was the jet-black fur of Fernshadow, he slender body stretched across the den.

She stared at him for a moment before shaking her head in apology and standing up. "Sorry Goldstar, I went out hunting for awhile and this was the closest den. It's very disrespectful, I know but-" his deputy dipped her head in respect; an element of nervousness crept into her eyes, "and I'm sorry again if I was intruding on any-"

"No," Goldstar said. He felt a little uncertain at this moment, but he soon made up his mind, and he took on a much more decisive tone, "stay Fernshadow. I've been such a fool, I admit it to you, I did love Featherstar, but I now see light upon my life. That was in the past, and even though she will always remain in heart, I cannot ignore the way I feel when I see- I see another queen," Goldstar felt the last couple of words refused to come out and they kept on substituting themselves in his mouth.

Hope entered Fernshadow's movements. "Who?"

Goldstar found that his sentence could not be answered verbally, so he came to a different conclusion. The golden tabby padded forward and began muzzle Fernshadow's cheek, breathing in her delicious scent. He saw his deputy's eyes turn lustful as they fell down to the floor of his nest, gently licking each other.

He remembered the way he had felt when he had slept with Featherstar, and now, he it felt again.

"I love you."

"I love you too," and then, Fernshadow's words seemed to mean more than any feeling, crush, or love he had ever felt before.

Robinpaw

The next day, Robinpaw picked up the borage and padded back towards the camp, he knew his knowledge of herbs and his connection with the ways of a medicine cat. Pride swelled up inside him as he padded down into the Thunderclan camp: he couldn't wait to show Skyblood's his latest triumph. He could think of anything that could possibly compete than training to be a Thunderclan apprentice-

"How's our future medicine cat doing? Dug up and roots?" Robinpaw heard a sneering voice that he distinctively recognized…

Moonpaw! Immediately hope flash through him, he turned around hopefully. His kit-hood friend had hardly spoken to him since his ceremony, he hadn't thought about her for awhile. But now he did, he could fell the slight ting of hurt inside him of her sudden revulsion of him.

Moonpaw leapt on his hope and crushed it. "What are you looking for? A ceremony? Amazing! Robinpaw found some random herb that no one cares about.

The tom searched her eyes, looking desperately for some flicker of friendship placed under the layers of her amber eyes. "Why do you hate me? We used to be so close!"

Moonpaw spat on his herbs and then flashed her tail onto the pile, spilling them. She laughed as she saw the splash of a tear on his fur. "There's a very important word in the sentence: used. Now, I can hardly believe that I was oblivious to the fact you were such a useless pile of fox dung!" Still chuckling at the sadness and disappointment radiating from Robinpaw's fur, she padded away.

The tom could still hear jeering jibes echoing in his ears when he picked up his borage leaves, fighting back his tears. Suddenly, he felt a paw rest of his shoulder; he turned around to see the eyes of Fernshadow.

"Do you miss her?" Fernshadow asked casually, there was an obvious amount of guarded interest in her voice.

"Yes," he whispered, "ever so much."

She nodded. "Then I know how you feel. You helped me when no one else did, so I'm returning the favour," she signalled to the fresh kill pile. "Take those herbs to Skyblood later, we can talk while eating."

Robinpaw nodded wordlessly and followed her through the mass of Thunderclan cats towards the pile. He could think of nothing he would rather do than talk to Fernshadow about Moonpaw. The queen picked a chaffinch and a mouse for Robinpaw, they sat down and began to share tongues in the afternoon sun, there were several moments of silence before Fernshadow asked him what was wrong.

"Well," Robinpaw faltered before starting again. "When me and Moonpaw met she was the only one who would talk to me. Everyone else was calling me a know it all because I followed Skyblood around. She protected me from my tormentors, she was my shield, and she infatuated me for that. I- I must have been kidding myself when I thought that she might feel the same way for me, crazy, and ever since I told her that it was my destiny to become a medicine cat, well, she's been doing _that._ I don't know why she does it: it doesn't make sense. We were close…" Robinpaw could say no more, it hurt so much. He waited for a reply, and I was a couple of moments before he got one.

"Robinpaw, haven't you ever considered why she was hurt be the fact that you wanted to be a medicine cat? What are they not allowed to do?"

Robinpaw shot her a questioningly look but Fernshadow was gone and organizing a dawn patrol. Feeling slightly confused, he headed back to his pile of borage. For some reason, the young medicine cat apprentice felt an emotion he had not felt before emerge as his jaws clamped around the borage leaves.

"Well done Robinpaw!" Skyblood praised him, and Robinpaw thought that that pretty much made up for Moonpaw's hostility. She was a hard mentor to impress: she only accepted the best. "Keep going like that and you'll be a medicine apprentice in no time."

Suddenly a voice echoed into Robinpaw's mind _"Young tom, you must fly on the wind, and you must seek the Shattered Spirit," _Robinpaw felt shock explode inside him and he leapt back, startled. He thought he heard Skyblood call, somewhere far away, but the echoing of the prophecy was so loud in his head. Robinpaw had never been delivered a sigh from Starclan before, let alone an ominous warning. Find the Shattered Spirit? What did that mean?

"Nothing," he muttered quickly, before padding out of the den as quickly as possible.

Goldstar

As the moonlight splashed through the entrance to Goldstar's den, he licked Fernshadow for the last time before she padded away from his den. For a moment, he sat neatly down, breathing in the warmth of where they had been lying. He smiled.

"You seem to be making more of an effort with Fernshadow now," Goldstar turned to see Robinpaw padding into the den. He smiled again, and nodded.

"Well, you've finally opened your eyes to the truth!"

Goldstar nodded. "And it seems all the brighter. Now, where were we?"

"You were dying," Robinpaw prompted. Goldstar smiled for the third time and opened his mouth…

Goldpaw

Was it magic? Was it Starclan? Was it Featherstar's skill as a previous medicine cat? I could only say one thing; it had been some sort of miracle.

When I woke up that morning, I woke up to red; I recognized it as blood and immediately found my feet. Confusion flickered in my mind until-

The events of the night before came rushing out to meet me, the snow, rape, Snowpool and Featherstar and her terrifying revelations, how the past had unravelled itself in front of me. Oh, how had my wounds healed? How had my terrifying bloodshed disappeared in the space of a couple of hours? How had all of my self-hate and hostility disappeared so quickly? I could still remember it…bleeding to death- was it a hallucination? Were my fatal looking blows all an-

No, it had been too realistic.

Bt once again I recalled thinking these exact thoughts last night. Featherstar admitting her love, and I giving it back.

It occurred to me then that Featherstar was not with me.

Worry and fear cut me and I tried to move, only to find my limbs refused to budge, I was paralyzed.

Come on! I can do this! I inhaled, breathed out, in- out- in out. A slight flash of movement and I felt my claws unsheathe, digging into the snow. My fear gave away to fury. In, out, in, out, in, out, come on, come on, _COME ON._

I did it! I egged my paws on! They moved, one paw step at a time, I padded back through the white, heading in what I thought was the direction to the Thunderclan camp. My pawsteps began to increase with speed, and soon I was running through the forest, struggling through the deep snow, but running.

I exploded down the face of the rock and into the camp; the warriors had woken up long ago. He dashed over to Fernshadow and let out a gasp of breath. "Do you know where Featherstar is?" he panted.

She gazed at him with a grim expression but she didn't reply. I asked again, and again, but still no reply. I felt agitation and annoyance claim me and grabbed her pelt and shook it furiously. "Well? Where is she?"

Now sadness had crept onto her face, she blinked and signalled wordlessly towards the medicine den…

Panic! Pure panic!

I knew nothing more, it engulfed me, and I dragged myself at top speed towards the medicine den, expecting to see the worst-

This is exactly what I got.

Featherstar was lying down on the floor of her the medicine den; her body sprawled across the floor. Waterheart and Skypaw sat by her body, pressing their heads against her chest. He could see tears in Skypaw's eyes and Waterheart was shaking her head in supposed agony.

"She's hardly breathing. The only thing that can save her is- is-" Waterheart faltered as she saw me enter. I watched. I stared, for a moment, my eyes just rested on her body. That was before the grief kicked in, I blinked in disbelief before padding over to Featherstar and nudging her, urging to her to get up and say something. The medicine cat and apprentice looked at me with something caught between helplessness and confusion, of course, they didn't know of my feelings for the Thunderclan leader.

"Is, is=" the words couldn't come out. No, they wouldn't come out: I didn't_ want _them to come out; it just wasn't psychically- NO NO NO! This can't be happening, not to Featherstar, anyone but Featherstar.

"Please, Starclan this can't be true, give me something!"

I was given no reply, of gods of the clans, you are cruel, cruel beyond relief, curse you, rot in the Place of No Stars!

"She is not dead-" my eyes shot up, glimmering with hope, "yet." I wasn't listening because there was a horizon, a glimmer, something to grip.

"What- what does she need?" I stuttered. What does she need? Hell, hell, hell, what does she need?

"Fresh kill, and a miracle," that was Waterheart's reply. She gazed at me grimly, but also with a look of understanding. Skypaw still looked with confusion, she didn't know, only Waterheart had the experience and skill to notice my love.

I blink before turning and exploding out of the medicine den, exhilaration flowing through my veins; it was like an image of happiness across and endless wasteland of sand and desert.

One that was a mirage of the sun, one that would only open the pathway to death and murder, but how could I know this?

Every cat in Thunderclan stared at me with pain in their eyes, the pain and loss of their leader; they couldn't feel the agony and grief that I felt, but how could they see? How can I show them of all cats, how can Goldpaw, the worthless apprentice that half of Thunderclan despise? There was only one way forward, and that was Featherstar gave me that idea. Her, standing on the highledge…

I leapt with all my might onto the rocks and scrambled my way to the tip that was Featherstar's calling place. I screamed at the top of my lungs, "LET ALL CATS OLD ENOUGH TO CATCH THEIR OWN PREY GATHER HERE BENEATH THE HIGHLEDGE FOR A CLAN MEETING."

A crescendo of surprised and outraged yowls echoed across the Thunderclan camp. Fury flashed onto the faces of my tormentors and they insults so rude that I could never speak of, but strangely, they didn't hurt, nothing mattered to me apart from trying to keep Featherstar alive.

"You buggers, shut up and get here," I growled, for a moment, a felt a little shocked at my own ferocity towards the seniors warriors of my clan, they seemed surprised themselves, but it seemed to shut them up; to my own shock, they actually began to gather underneath the highledge.

"Right, I so suppose that all of you know Featherstar's dying?" I said. What a stupid question; sure enough, they all stared at me like I was absolutely mad.

"Waterheart and Skypaw say there is a chance of survival for her," ears pricked up with interest, "and that is food. I know, I know, there couldn't be a worse time to have to get food, in the middle of a Leafbare, but we must get it."

"Doesn't she have other lives?" a voice called from below.

"No! Waterheart told me she was on her last," that was Thrushtail. "So stop complaining an do as he says."

"Why should we do what Goldpaw wants? He's a useless git _and_ he's a murderer!"

That again! Immediately my mind shot back to the night before with Snowpool, he had said I was a murderer as well. What did they mean? I wasn't a murderer, was I?

I looked down to the floor to find the glaring eyes of Snowpool himself, he was eyeing me with glittering eyes that could only be described as happiness, and he had noticed my confusion. My eyes narrowed and I stared at the tom, refusing to back down. This isn't over, you did this to Featherstar, and sometime, somehow, I will kill you.

He just smiled, a mad look in his expression, it disappeared soon after, replaced with impenetrable mask of concentration.

"Have you forgotten who you are speaking too?" Thrushtail hissed at the speaker. "I'm the deputy of Thunderclan, and if you don't obey Goldpaw then I'm ordering you to!"

That was it; there was nothing else to say. At this, Thunderclan dispersed into the bushes, Thrushtail sent me an apologetic look before running after the others.

For some reason, I got a strange feeling in my gut, like something important was about to happen, like Featherstar's close fate was about to set something off-

Featherstar.

Oh god, suddenly, a jolt that felt likes thunder smacking into me, her silver pelt and blue eyes ran back to me and the unbelievable and so close loss came to me.

I jumped down from the highledge and into the apprentice den, I couldn't bring myself to hunt, the thoughts of Featherstar consumed my mind and I began to sleep, and agonizing sleep.

Goldstar

"Robinpaw?" a voice echoed into his mind, breaking the flow of the story, the medicine cat apprentice's eyes were once more and extremely annoyed at the interruption.

"Skyblood!" he hissed. "We were reaching a climax!"

She laughed at his comment, and Goldstar couldn't refuse the urge to chuckle either: it was obvious that Robinpaw was enjoying the past greatly. "Robinpaw," she said, a little more stern now, "I've been letting you have a bit to many late nights recently, and in couple of days you need to be in complete and utter fitness, it will be your first gathering soon!"

"Really?" immediately Robinaw brightened up, all thoughts on the story pretty much forgotten. "My first gathering! Ok Skyblood!" Goldstar chuckled again at his enthusiasm and said his goodbyes to the unpredictable medicine cat apprentice.

The leader curled up his nest, making himself comfortable, Fernshadow's sweet scent lulled him to sleep, and he thought of his muzzle pressed up against the jet black she-cat once more, but then his thoughts flashed inexplicably back to Featherstar, he shook his head, the two did not coexist well in his mind.

His eyes closed and he fell into an uneasy sleep filled with nightmares of him stuck between two clashing worlds, one of black and one of silver, and one of fern's and one feathers. There was a quiet battle between the two queens raging inside his mind, each fighting to kill the other…

"Featherstar," he whispered in his mind…

Fernshadow

After the jet-black queen had ordered the noon patrol, she sat and gazed at Goldstar's clan, feeling happier than she had ever been before, she sighed as she thought of the leader, did he truly love her?

Whilst thinking of her own problems, she noticed the arrogant head of Moonpaw laughing at an upset Robinpaw. She lowered her head in annoyance; I thought me and Goldstar had soughted that dispute out! She watched on as Moonpaw kicked the medicine cat apprentice's herbs for the second time and storm away towards her mentor, there was a sort of delighted smile on her face as she made her way to the camp exit, Fernsdhadow stopped her in tracks and glared at the silver apprentice.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, as politely as she could, this was a fair struggle. "I thought Goldstar had settled this fight."

"Robinpaw!" Moonpaw spat at Fernshadow's feet, "It will ever be over," she paused before adding another angry retort, "now get out of my way!"

"No," Fernshadow replied simply. "You seem to have forgotten your respect for me, and Robinpaw. As I recall, you used to be very good friends, now, if you would be kind enough to tell me what this is about Moonpaw?"

"There's nothing to tell," she hissed through gritted teeth. "He betrayed me! I thought we were friends but our friendship meant nothing to him! He just pushed me away when I was trying to help-"

"Why did you try to help, exactly?" the deputy snapped. "I saw that you were trying to help, but why does him being a medicine cat apprentice put anything between you and Robinpaw?"

Moonpaw didn't reply to this, she opened her mouth to, but it snapped closed almost in unison with her opening it. Fernshadow stared at the silver queen; she could see she was very depressed.

"Come and walk with me," she said more softly. "I'm sure we can work this out."

Moonpaw nodded and followed Fernshadow out of camp and away from curious eyes, as they walked, Fernshadow was sure there was a growing fear scent radiating from the apprentice, the deputy felt slightly surprised, she's afraid of me, very afraid of me.

They stopped eventually and Moonpaw eyed Fernshadow warily, but she spoke calmly, "Now, what's all this about?"

Moonpaw still looked a lightly scared but she replied, "Well, Robinpaw was being bullied for following the medicine cat around, and I couldn't leave him alone so I protected him from his tormentors," she coughed a little at this, "I don't know what it was, but I sort of, of liked him," she stopped before continuing. "I thought that, that he felt the same way about me, but then he told me it was his destiny to become a medicine cat… it hurt so much… how he could just abandon me like that, he didn't even say goodbye, he didn't care!" her voice turned bitter "Why should I protect someone who betrayed me? I became his tormentor, it still hurts when I do it, but he, he hurt me more by his betrayal."

Fernshadow listened to Moonpaw's speech with deep interest, she knew herself that the first crush broken was always the most painful. Hr crush had begun strangely, and it had stopped, and then grown stronger.

"Don't you know that he liked you as well?" Moonpaw looked surprised so Fernshadow continued, "He told me that himself, he thinks that you betrayed him, and that his duty to his clan had to come first."

Moonpaw look of surprise became one of mystification, then confusion, but was it confusion? Fernshadow tried to delve deeper into her reaction, Fernshadow thought that she caught a whiff of hostility.

"Thank you Fernshadow," she said curtly, before disappearing into the undergrowth, Fernshadow's eyes followed her with suspicion, with that reaction, and the deputy was even more certain that she was did not understand. Without another moments thought, she followed her through the bush.

Fernshadow's first impression was that she was heading back to camp, and she breathed a sigh of relief, but she began to get seriously worried when her path swerved off towards the border of Shadowclan, where is she going?

Suddenly, she froze, Moonpaw carried on ahead, she sniffed the air currents and realized her suspicion was correct. Moonpaw was following the scent of someone stinking of herbs and Skyblood…

Robinpaw.

Immediately she dashed on, keeping Moonpaw only just in sight. She could now scent Robinpaw much stronger and was extremely worried for the medicine cat apprentice's safety, she was about to call out for him when suddenly she saw him and Moonpaw in the distance.

"Well?" Moonpaw was saying, she was speaking with a small element of hopefulness. "Is it true?"

Robinpaw's hackles were raised and his claws unsheathed. "What's true?" he said cautiously.

""Do you like me?" Fernshadow was surprised at how bland and unemotional Moonpaw was being: it seemed to be a strange situation to be feeling nothing; she was quite plainly asking if someone loved her.

"Because that's what Fernshadow told me," still now sigh of emotion in her voice. It slightly angered Fernshadow, she sounded so uncaring, despite what she was speaking of.

Robinpaw stared at her in complete disbelief, but she could see the feelings starting to brim in the depths of his eyes. He was deeply shocked, but perhaps a little hopeful? "What makes you think that?" he spoke with uncertainty.

Moonpaw looked at him for a couple of moments before repeating what Fernshadow had said again. Robinpaw kept on staring, but now a smile had crept onto his lips and he moved forward, whispering something to Moonpaw. She smiled, and began to lick and muzzle him on the face, Robinpaw purred so loudly she could hear it as loud as speech, he returned with no sense of awkwardness, but Fernshadow felt her eyes narrow. There was something about Moonpaw's smile and purrs that seemed somehow- fake- in a strange way.

But who am I to intrude on their private moment… she does seem reasonably happy. Fernshadow felt the evidence of smile begin to appear on he face. Slowly, the queen let her paws carry her away from the apprentices and back towards the Thunderclan camp, despite her suspicions, feeling really quite lightened. It seems that things have turned out absolutely fantastic for those two apprentices, she thought.

Deep inside her, a voice laughed at her, oh no Fernshadow, all that you've done is make the situation much, much worse.

What she had created finally started to dawn on her and she stopped in horror, oh damn, I've been such a fool!

Medicine cats aren't meant to fall in love…

Robinpaw

The tom knew that his meeting with Moonpaw had definitely cheered him; there was now a quality of happiness and warmth flowing through the air. He now fully understood what Goldstar had felt for Featherstar, because he was feeling it now, and it was absolutely splendid.

He smiled and padded across the camp towards the Thunderclan leaders den, excitement coarsed through him, and he desperately wanted to hear the next chapter in Goldstar's dramatic story of love and heartbreak. What would his next act be? He suspected that Snowpool would be developed even more in the next chapter, and he couldn't wait for the next shocking revelation.

"Hey Goldstar!" he called, only to find his eyes widen and embarrassment flash through him. "I'm terribly sorry."

Goldstar hushed him and shook his head, he could see that Fernshadow was flushing and she quickly hurried out of his leaders den. Robinpaw dipped his head in shame: he should of known that Goldstar would be spending time with his new mate.

"Are you going to sit down?" Goldstar asked, though Robinpaw could see he was gritting his teeth, Robinpaw had completely ruined his leaders moment.

"I really am sorr-" he began but Goldstar's hurried his apologies away with a shake of his head.

"Don't be sorry, just try to be a bit more conscious of cats next time," he paused and let out his anger, before smiling warmly. "Now, I suppose that you are here to the next part of my story, so without further ado, let us begin…"

Goldpaw

When I woke up it was night, and the snow still littered the ground; cats were still coming in from their hunt for Featherstar. There paws were empty, I recognized them as Firestrike and Thrushtail; they both looked exhausted and beaten. I padded up to them with a pleading look in my eye, the question was clear to them, did anybody catch something? Anything?

They stared at me for a moment before shaking the heads.

I stared at them for a moment, surely I had seen wrong. Immediately, I turned and dashed towards the medicine cat den, tears had begun to stream down my face. It had started hours ago because deep down I had already known that there hadn't been any hope for Featherstar's survival whatsoever; my mind didn't accept it.

I smashed through and saw my mate just as she had been before, a mangled and beaten body. Waterheart and Skypaw were looking at the body in grief, shaking their heads also. The action rampaged through my mind, the shaking of a head, the knowledge that there was no hope for my Featherstar…

"Skypaw, of Starclan, this is absolutely mad! How has this happened?" that was Waterheart, but I hardly heard her, my body was filled to the brim with uncontrollable grief, grief that I couldn't control, it stole everything that I had, it was omnipresent, I didn't have the power to stop it, I couldn't shed another tear if the world came tumbling down, there was a hole in my heart the shape of her and it hurt more than the most fatal wound could ever hurt.

"It's just not possible! How could we not have noticed that she was pregnant?"

"She's pregnant? What, that- that can't be!" Skypaw muttered.

"More than that, she's giving birth!"

Suddenly my eyes snapped open and I stared in complete disbelief, what? What in Starclan? Featherstar was what?

She was giving birth!

Something more than relief flooded through me, it was something I was sure that I could not be feeling, surely Featherstar wasn't giving birth to a kit!

My kit, my son or daughter, the pride of a father. Now, right there, all of my suffering and mourning had disappeared: I had another glimmer of hope, and that was a litter, some life that I had given the world with Featherstar.

In unison I was shaking Waterheart, still not quite believing it myself, me, a simple apprentice, a father already! "She's giving birth to litter, oh Starclan."

Waterheart gave me a look of deep understanding, but Skypaw looked at me like I had gone completely mad. "What does that fact mean to you! She's dying of greencough, exposure to the cold snow, and you're worried about that?"

"Don't you understand? She's my fucking leader and this could be the last thing she could do! So get that stupid thing born, or I will personally kill you!" I must have looked really threatening, because Skypaw looked seriously frightened. She gripped Waterheart, like she was her mother and said, "Okay, okay."

"Skypaw, shut up! You heard what Goldpaw said, we have to get this damn thing born," Waterheart said with an air of urgency. "I've told you how to do this, get her a stick!"

Skypaw seemed to catch her bearings because she immediately dashed out of the medicine cat den and into the forest. I collapsed down beside my mate and began to lick her furiously, begging her to say with me, to give birth but still stay alive. I thought I heard whisper that spoke my name, but I thought not of it, the most important thing was letting Waterheart do her thing.

The medicine cat began to gently administer strange herbs to Featherstar that I had never seen before, but I had to trust her, it was my last hope. She urged my love quietly to eat the things without protest; I could see she was struggling with the agony of greencough, kitting, and the sourness of the herbs, I couldn't imagine the pain she was feeling, but it had to be a whole lot worse than my own.

"You love her, don't you?" Waterheart whispered to me through a mouthful of herbs, she eyed me carefully, waiting for a reaction, but at that precise moment, I didn't care about privacy.

"More than anything," I said. "She loves me as well, I suppose that you've already guessed that this my litter."

"A father so young?" she almost chuckled, despite the situation. "I've seen an apprentice's first crush, but this is on a massive scale," she smiled, "Don't worry, I can keep you secre-"

Just then, the frame of a snow white tom burst in through the entrance of the medicine den, panting and out of breath. He looked at Waterheart urgently, not acknowledging my presence. "Skypaw told me my mate was kitting, oh Starclan, this- this is-"

Snowpool! Immediately, my hate, combined with pain boiled up inside me, how dare he show his face here!

Wait a second? What did he say, his _mate?_

I looked at Waterheart and her face mirrored my own deep confusion. What on earth was this crazed lunatic talking about? What the hell was Snowpool suggesting?

Suddenly, I realized something so painful it was unimaginable.

This had been his plan all along! I should have put the pieces together! He had basically told me himself but- I hadn't thought of the consequences…

Snowpool had said himself that if Featherstar gave birth to a litter the she would have to step down, and while doing this, Snowpool would have murdered her and taken the title of deputy, it was the logical choice for Thrushtail to make, and then he would have succeeded Thrushtail later on to claim the title of leader.

But then, in the snow, he hadn't been fooling around when he asked Featherstar to say that she loved him… it had been significant! He spoke of being her loyal mate and how no one would suspect him of killing her, he had taken his chance in the snow, but some one would know! And that someone was I.

It dawned on me what was going on, he was torturing me; he had taken a precaution, knowing that if anyone told anyone of his betrayal, then no one believe them because he was her mate- that just made it more difficult for me- who would take my word over his?

Starclan, I've been such a fool, I should have seen this coming.

I looked at Snowpool with complete and utter fury burning in my eyes, the senior warrior met my eyes for just moment, and then I saw a smirk register across his face, it was one that could only be described as something that spelled victory. I turned my eyes back to Featherstar, unable to stare longer, they flickered over to Waterheart; she was still looked confused, but I felt certain that she had seen our little argument.

I began licking my leader just as vigorously as Snowpool, trying to keep as calm as possible, but it was hard with all the grief, rage and pain swelling up, it raged like a fire inside me, each feeling ripping me into layers.

Eventually, I couldn't bear to stay in the presence of my half dead mate, my hostile enemy, and Waterheart, the medicine cat who was coming so close to uncovering Snowpool's secret any longer. I turned and stalked out of the medicine den, not caring to watch the birth of my kit…

Later that day, I was sitting by the shadow of the highledge, letting my anger flow out allow some sort of calmness to come to my mind. I had been in a sort of trance for the past couple of hours, and I was sure that every single cat had walked past me in that day, all caught in their own emotions and thoughts, passing by and doing their own stupid buisiness.

I missed a lot of clues then.

Several conversations came in the background of my ears, and I didn't listen or think twice about any of them, but there was one thing that connected all of them, suspicion. Tensions in Thunderclan had begun to rise, clanmate was turning on clanmate, and cats that seemed like friends were suddenly acting in very peculiar ways, the unmistable threat of murder was running thorugh the air. Featherstar's had just been the start.

I noted one voice though.

Just above me, in the leaders den, their had been a voice that I faintly recognised but couldn't be bothered to try to familiarise with the voice. It was speaking to itself in the leaders den, and I was sure that he had spoken these words.

Soon, in maybe a moon, this den will be mine.

And the voice hadn't been Snowpool's…

The snow still froze the ground and a chilly air flew through the camp. I could sense that something was going to happen, something about how Skypaw and Waterheart looked: they were telling the news of my kit to Thrushtail. I had not seen it, but the medicine cat apprentice had informed me that it was a male, but perhaps there was more. Had Waterheart shared the news that I was her mate to Skypaw? Would she tell Thrushtail?

For some reasons, I didn't really feel quite threatned. I would face this fact with dignity and try with all my life to live up to it, unless Snowpool took the title of her love.

The deputy's face was contorted with shock and surprise, but eventually he seemed to take on board what the two medicine cats had said. I looked up at the sky and realised that it was in fact moonhigh; the deputy would be announced soon. I gritted my teeth, waiting for the finale, Thrushtail words echoed across the clearing: the call for attention that I had used that very morning. It seemed very far away, impossilbly far away-

Suddenly, my ears pricked up in apprenhension, I stopped in unison, my eyes narrowing. I angled my ears again so that they were facing the place the sound was coming from…

"You know, far half a second, I was actually expecting to see Goldpaw on the highledge for a moment."

"I know, he seemed so, sort of, authorative. It was like he was the leader of Thunderclan."

"Almost a bit like- like- Featherstar's last deputy. How awkward that he should be like that… you know… I actually think I might be beginning to trust that apprentice. I mean, he's still a cold-blooded murderer, but, I don't know, he's like, beginning to grow on me. He seems quite friendly even! What could possibly be that wrong about him?"

I didn't want to listen to any more of that. It sent a shiver down my spine, once again, cats were taking about how I murdered someone, but I didn't! I can't even remember doing any crime whatsoever!

Unless mating with the leader very young is what Thunderclan's idea of a crime was.

By now, everyone had gathered beneath the highledge for Thrushtail. I felt a cold shiver run down my body; there was definetly some sort of impending disaster flowing around.

"As you know, our leader needed fresh kill to survive this tragic day-" he stopped, "and unfortunetly, we failed to catch any prey for our leader, and therefore, she has, deceased," everyone hung their heads in complete and utter shame, but my head sunk lower than any other, we had failed. "But, an unexpected yet pleasant surprise came to or medicine cats," he pasued for effect, "Featherstar was in labour and giving birth."

Heads raised and yowls flashed, there was more than surprise flowing through the cats of Thunderclan, but complete and utter distrust. Stares locked onto each other and fought mercilessly, lightining clapped above and rain began to splash down onto the cats below.

"FEATHERSTAR HAS A SON!" Thrushtail's shout rocked the camp, cat's heads turned and their eyes fixed back upon the deputy's, at least, for the moment.

At this second of confusion, I felt a strange desire clutch me. I ran across the clearing so that I was by Waterheart and she stared at me with no sense of surprise.

"Waterheart, his name is," I stopped for a second before murmuring,"what colour, is, is his fur?"

Waterheart gazed, before muttering, "A light grey, the gold seems to have lightened the colour of Featherstar's fur, and he has deep amber eyes."

I paused, thinking of what to call my son; amber like, the- "His name is Sunkit." I padded away back to my place immediately, not daring to let cats notice my sudden movement.

I watched painfully as the medicine cat padded over to Thrushtail and whispered the name of my kit in his ear before moving back to her position with Skypaw, she looked at her mentor for a moment but then decided she knew better than to ask. I felt my eyes turn away, and found them inexplicably land on Snowpool.

"The young male's name is Sunkit, in honour of his amber eyes," Thrushtail said before waiting for the silence to surely follow. It engulfed the Thunderclan camp for just several moment, but it was possibly several sunlight days, to I'm sure, every singly cat in my clan.

"Who is the father?" an accusing yowl was the first to break it. I turned to the speaker but couldn't quite make it out through the mass of clan cats. I looked back up to see Thrushtail open his mouth to reply, but I knew instantly that he honestly did not know. My eyes once again sought Snowpool, which I found instantly; I saw his movement, I knew what he was going to say, what he was going to do…

But the worst thing was that I was powerless to stop him.

"I am," he said, with a voice of grief that was so convincing: it could easily have been the pained voice of a father. Thunderclan gazed at him for a moment, and I had absolutely no clue what their reaction would be, but when I looked, they didn't look that surprised.

Snowpool locked his eyes with mine once again, daring me for a reaction, some sigh of contorted rage, but I knew it was hopeless. He had me in his grasp, and he could crush whenever he felt like it. I looked at the ground in complete and utter shame: I couldn't even protect my own identity. What sort of a useless mistake was I?

"We hold Featherstar's vigil tonight," Thrushtail spoke ina clear voice; it was obvious that he was their new leader. "Shetland and Scarface will sit with them," no one answered.  
"On a brighter side, it is moonhigh, an in the warrior code, it decreeds that the new deputy must be chosen by this time. So, I say these words before Starclan, and let out warrior ancestors aprove of my choice.

"Snowpool will be the new deputy of Thunderclan…"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

Robinpaw gazed at Goldstar, not sure of what to say. The revealations, grief and agony his leader must have felt were very clear, but he had spoken of an impending disaster, one that was about to happen. He got the feeling in the next addition to Goldpaw's story; there would be a second death.

The medicine cat apprentice opened his mouth to speak words of comfort to his leader but a golden tail flicked across his face, silencing him. Robinpaw got the message very openly, Goldstar wanted him to leave, and to be honest, and Robinpaw could hardly blame him. He had just reflected on what must have been the worst day of his life, and he wanted time on his own.

Wordlessly, Robinpaw stood up and padded out of Goldstar's den, the moon and stars following him as he moved towards the medicine cat den. He was so caught up in his own mind that he didn't notice a familiar scent begin to creep up on him behind and follow him until he moved back to his den. The shadowy figure gazed at him as he curled up in a ball of fur and began to let his breathing fall to a pathetic steady rhythm, it almost pitied the apprentice; after all, it was about to kill him.

In fact, why now? I don't think I could bring myself to do it now, when he's asleep, it's a bit too cowardly for my own liking. A quiet yawn erupted for it's mouth, yes, I'll murder him in maybe a couple of day's time, it thought lazily. It padded away from the den and back to it's own den, where it curled up itself and fell asleep.

Skyblood

The medicine cat collected up her herbs and began to organise them in neat piles, Robinpaw was making strong progress; she was sure that her life could not be more perfect. Skyblood smiled and gazed down at the yarrow, inhaling the scent of the remedies she had fallen in love with as a kit-

Speaking of love, I've been meaning to tell Goldstar how I feel for a long time.

She sighed placidly but carried on her duty, she turned her head for comfort only to find them fix upon Robinpaw, who was gazing at her with widened eyes.

"Are you going to tell me why you're upset?" he asked. She felt a small smile begin to curl over her mouth; he was too clever for his own good.

She thought about the possibility of revealing her secret but entually decided against this feat. It would give him bad influence; she didn't want him flashing his love about foolishly, like she had done.

She still remembered the burning jealousy boiling inside her as Goldstar told her of all those other young and pretty queens express their love for: Tornscratch, Stream, Crystalreed, Flashtail and now Fernshadow, it was agonizing, seeing them all watch him. Then she recalled the overwhelming triumph inside her as he told her of he turned them down as politely as he possibly could, except Fernshadow, of course, damned Fernshadow.

"No, I'm afraid, Robinpaw, it's not for young ears," Skyblood murmured to her apprentice. He gave a small dip of his head that told her that he respected her decision.

Skyblood turned away from her spprentice and stepped out into the camp, the sun splashed down onto the rocks, making it glow majestically. She spotted Fernshadow sitting on her haunches with Goldstar as they shared tongues; a small ember rose up inside her and she stiffened uncomfortably at the sight of the cat she loved so much with another…

Sometimes, she wondered if she perhaps should of thought twice about becoming a medicine cat before running into it blindly.

Goldstar

As the Thunderclan leader dashed through the undergrowth after a mouse, he felt a beautiful sense of freedom flow through him. Fernshadow's scent still lingered on his pelt and he breathed in the remainders eagerly-

Suddenly, he found himself thinking of Featherstar.

The thrill of the hunt fell away from him and the sense of freedom disappeared, his first mate dashing back into his mind. Goldstar wondered what Featherstar would think of him falling in love again, would she think that he was being disloyal to her?

With a strange ease in his paws, Goldstar felt himself turn and begin to padd towards Windclan: he needed to know, no, at least see Featherstar again, he desperately desired to know what she thought of him.

The strong scent of Windclan exploded into his nostrils as he arrived at the border between his clan and theirs; Goldstar shifted his paws uncomfortably, what would happen if a clan leader were found so close to the hills? Surely they would regard it as suspicious!

He shook his head and began to move along the border once more, though maybe with a little less ease in comparison with last set of pawsteps. Slowly, he found himself begin to near the Moonpool, where Starclan resided and where the clans connection was strongest with their warrior ancestors. Goldstar climbed up the rocks confidently: he had made the journey many times before when he needed Starclan's guidance.

The water came into sight and he lay down beside it, lapping up a few small drops before settling down and falling into sleep…

"No Goldstar," a small, but recognisable voice echoed somewhere faraway. "I still love you, of course, but I no longer have any claim to you."

"But am I betraying?" he asked Featherstar in a small voice.

"Goldstar my love, when I was alive, I could not bare the thought of losing you, but if Fernshadow makes you happy, then who am I to stop you seeing her?" this was the last sound that he heard.

That was the last sound he would ever hear from Featherstar.

Robinpaw

Cautiously, the medicine cat apprentice padded towards the Thunderclan leaders den, unsure if he was welcome. Memories of his last intrusion were still fresh in his mind and he honestly wasn't sure if he would be so stupid as to interrupt a moment between his leader and deputy.

"Goldstar?" he called tentatively.

Robinpaw heard a small purr from inside Goldstar den. "Don't worry Robinpaw, I won't bite!"

The medicine cat apprentice let out a deep sigh of relief before moving eagerly inside the den. Goldstar was stretched on his nest, looking very comfortable and happy. "So, where we, my friend? Snowpool has just been made deputy and my son has just been born into the world of Thunderclan. Well, I can tell you that this next little chapter will be most gruesome…"

Goldpaw

I watched in horror as the cats of Thunderclan yowled the name of their new deputy: Snowpool. I could hardly say that I was relieved, I felt my eyes battle into Snowpool's own for one more moment, and he sent one of complete and utter arrogance; he thought that he had won.

I felt bitter determination boil in my belly, well, you can think again Snowpool, and no way is this war over!

Without a deadly growl I turned on my heels and padded away into the apprentice's den, anger flowing off me in waves. I couldn't quite get over the fact that Snowpool had succeded in his scheme of murder in power, how was it possible? How could one so evil possible have victory? In all the stories he had heard as a kit, it had been the good guy who had triumphed over the armies of darkness-

Did I see myself as a hero? Well, no one else was going to stop him, so I was alone, alone on my quest to reveal Snowpool's betrayal once and for all.

I curled up in a spiked ball and felt myself fall into a haunted sleep, one filled with the memory of my dead love, and my bitter nemesis replaying itself over and over again. I tried to block it out but they rampaged by defenses with strength that I never comprehended possible; they taunted and tortured my mind with horrible weapons undescribable. Blood stained my dreams and refused to even weaken for a moment, it was relentless, merciless, and unstoppable…

"Goldpaw?" the voice of mentors lulled me from ym slumber. I opened my eyes and blinked in the morning sunlight, it dazzled me for just a second, before Fernshadow's frame blocked out the rays. She licked me, it scraped a tender spot on my cheel and I rose to my paws.

"Com on, we're going to the training hllow for your first session in battle training!" she said brightly. I narrowed my eyes; she obviously wasn't that worried and disappointed about the change in rank, maybe she was even slightly happy that Snowpool had gained the title of deputyship.

Reluctantly, I followed her out of the apprentice's den and into the camp. On the top of the highledge, Thrushtail- _Thrushstar-_ was staring down upon the bustling Thunderclan cats with pride in his eyes. I could only describe him as a sort of flicker of hope in the sun, I wondered if he had deliberately placed himself in this position.

He smiled at me heartily as I chased Fernshadow across the camp, to be honest, I wasn't in the mood for smiling, but what else could I have done? I returned the smile swiifly and then dashed out of camp after Fernshadow.

She raced through the forest before calling back. "Can you remember the way to the training hollow?"

I bit back an angry retort, of course I can! Did she think I was an idiot! I knew that Fernshadow was only checking my progress, but as I had sensed in the camp, I wasn't exactly in a _happy_ mood.

We passed under the shade of young oak tree that had perhaps started growing only a couple of seasns ago. It suddenly dawned on me how, despite the sun, it was really quite cold. The snow had not melted one bit and I shivered for the first time that morning, my pawsteps followed Fernshadow's trail towards the training hollow, little did I know that would be one of the most significant facts to occur that day.

Soon, we arrived at the hollow, even here, the conditions were awful, and I worried it if was really wise to train in snow as deep as this. My head turned to Fernshadow but she did not look at all worried.

"Right, today, I want you to attack me," she said.

I gazed at her in surprise for a moment. "Really, just like that?"

"Yes Goldpaw," she laughed for a moment before turning serious. "Attack me."

I shrugged for amoment and then dropped into a hunter's crouch, something that came as an instinct. For a moment my eyes narrowed in wonder, for it it had suddenly occurred to me that someone so young could already have the instinct of a warrior.

A voice echoed into my mind, my mouth opened for a moment, for I recognised the voice. It was the cat that had given him the prophecy! The one who had rescued him from his nightmares?

"Oh Goldpaw," it whispered. "Don't you see? The hunting ability isn't just natural, it was given to you…" I heard no more of the cat, and I jumped back, startled at how he had spoken. What- what? What was going on?

"Goldpaw? What are you doing?" Fernshadow's surprised voicd came to my senses; I shook my head and came back into the crouch, concentrating on my mentor. I decided to aim for her neck, the vulnerable part in any warrior battle.

I leapt straight at her, for a moment I think she was a little shocked at how I had gone into a fight so rashly without even sizing her up. As I was about to come down upon her, I gasped as she flipped onto her back and shot her back legs straight into my exposed stomach. I grunted and fell back into the snow, rolling through it, the powdery stuff collected on my fur as I fell, making me look like some sort of snowcat.

"You weren't prepared for my attack, that was a big mistake," Fernshadow scolded quietly. "Every warrior must be aware of their apponent, for you never know what kind of trick they will come up with."

I shook the snowof my fur and stood up, gazing at her warily. Surely my mentor had beena little vicious in her attack? Fernshadow didn't bother to answer to my look and carried on, "The move I used was one of the most simple attacks in the Thunderclan style of fighting. It's calle the back kick, and as you no doubt know, if mastered, it can be extremel effective, and definetly deadly.

"But there is a bad side, when performing the move, you automatically expose your belly to attacks which one must never do. So it must be done with extreme accuracy and swiftness, try it."

I dropped down into the snow as Fernshadow jumped at me, claws sheathed and looming. I did as I was told and let my back legs do the work, seconds later, I had succeded and my mentor was sprawled in the snow as I had been when she did the back kick on me.

"Well done," she praised me when she finally got to her paws. "That was a very good kick, you seem to be a natural at that move!"  
I felt myself swell momentarily with pride, but the spark died almost immediately when yesterday came back into mind. I gritted my teeth as I saw Fernshadow smiling, how could one smile in these circumstances!

My mentor shivered and for the first time seemed to notice the snow. "We should be getting back to camp, the conditions are too bad for a any more practise."

I gavemy opinion on the matter wordlessly and I began to follow Fernshadow back through the undergrowth. She sped on ahead, but I decided to savour my energy: I made be made to go on a border patrol or something like that.

The crunch of the snow beneath my feet was rather pleasing, and I felt myself placing my paw steps in to the extra deep just for the satisfaction. I grinned like an idiot an began to jump around on the spot-

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

This time though, the grin stayed on my face for a while.

I padded through the snow after Fernshadow, my spirit lightened. Following her footprints was rather enjoyable aswell and I let my face fix on the ground, watcing her trail of paw steps.

Just then, I stopped, frowning at the steps; I tilted my head to one side. For the first time I noticed that there was a new trail heading back towards the training hollow. I turned around and I gazed confudsedly as they caried on in the other direction, before swerving away towards the lake. Why was someone alone out here?

Suddenly, a blood curdling scream cracked across the air, I jumped in shock, my eyes widening like an owls- what in Starclan's name was that?

Fernshadow.

I dashed through the forest, panic swelling up inside me. Bushes passed around like lightning and the forest was a blur as I ran through the dense undergrowth, all knowledge of the other paw prints forgotten. I realised that she must have been going back the way we came, so I moved as fast as I could towards the young oak tree I had seen before.

Fernshadow came into my sight; she was backing up against the tree with with tears in her eyes. The light reflected upon them as I came to her side.

"What is it?" I soothed al calmly as I could. She signalled worldlessly into another area in the shade, I turned-

Then immediately wished I hadn't.

Lying on the snow, body sprawled half way in the shadow and half way in the sun, was a sprawled, mangled corpse. I stepped back in horror, there was a long cut down its belly, and its gut and blood were pouring onto the snow, staining it red at touch. The head was- was- about a tail length away from the body, it had been ripped off with such ferocity that it must have rolled there, blood was all around it, and the sight was unpleasant to say the least. Its sightless eyes were facing the sky, caught with a mixture of shock and terrible, terrible fear. In the left paw of the body there were a couple of herbs-

It was Waterheart.

"Holy Starclan, oh Starclan," I whispered. I looked away and blocked the sight from Fernshadow's vision. She gazed at me with an emotion I couldn't describe, what sort of a monster would do this.

"You, you get the clan," I said quietly. "I'll investigate." Fernshadow nodded with complete and utter relief to get away from the scene. I watched as she disappeared back towards the Thunderclan camp. An ember of fear, I was alone with this very dead body.

I turned and began to look at the snow around the tree, not daring to look at Waterheart. The snow around the tree looked pretty much undisturbed, but what about the footprints? Yes, the connection came to me, there had been footprints leading away towards the lake.

I turned and began to inspect all the trails; there were my own, Fernshadow's, and our little deadly murderer here. They lead back the way I had come, but I dared not follow. Someone who had just killed would be very aware and I doubted that I would find him; instead I began to search elsewhere.

Something dawned on me, and I realised what must be an important fact. Me and Fernshadow had walked here just a few seconds before, so that meant that the murderer must have left the camp just after we did, so they would have had enough time to kill Waterheart, go to the lake and wash their paws of her blood, and then return-

Where did the paw prints come from?  
Immediately, I turned back to the trails and followed them back towards its source, knowing that they probably came from the camp. Fernshadow's paw prints lay in the snow but I ignored them.

The paw prints led towards camp all right, but in fact, they ended up finishing in jumble of other paw prints. I sniffed, they had been made recently as they still ranked of cat scent, must be some sort of patrol, I thought.

Presumably, another border patrol had been sent to the Windclan border for there was another scent leading towards the hills. The one that our murderer came from was heading to Shadowclan.

The memory of Waterheart suddenly dashed back to him, and he felt like he was going to be sick. I blinked in the sunlight and looked down into the camp, there was commotion down there as Thunderclan learnt of the death of their medicine cat. Thruhstail stood upon the highledge was grimly announcing what Fernshadow had obviously told him, I watched from a distance.

First Featherstar, now this? The death of a medicine cat?

I turned around and placing my paws into the trail that lead back to Waterheart, I went back to the victim of the murder. All of her blood must have been shed for now there was a much larger pool of blood around the snow, I gritted my teeth and began to search the- body. There might be a clue to who committed the murder in her claws. I sniffed her body, hoping for a scent, but none lingered, this confused me, I knew that this had happened recently yet there was nothing that even suggested a Thunderclan cat had done it. Maybe it had just been a passing rogue, I thought hopefully, but the thought disappeared from my mind almost immediately. There was no way it could have been a rogue, why would a rogue kill so viciously? No, it had to be a cat that knew Waterheart… actually, someone who hated her.

I allowed my eyes one quick glance at the neck and came to the conclusion they had actually pulled the entire head of the bone, another sickening feeling came to me but I desperately tried to ignore it. Starclan, what sort of monster would do this?

A strange thought came to me, "One who was really, and impossibly strong," I muttered to myself. That sort of suggested that this cat was probably a tom, because they _were _naturally stronger than she cats. Not being sexist or anything, I almost smiled a little, but I hated my own black humour.

Snowpool, the name kind of came as a fancy, I admit that I really wouldn't be surprised if he murdered Waterheart.

Suddenly, I remembered…

_I can keep you secret;_ Waterheart had said something along those lines, of course! She was the only other cat who knew of Snowpool's lie to Thunderclan! "So, the cat I hate more than anything is my prime suspect, and not just because I don't like him, he actually has a motive!" I whispered to myself.

Yet even with that information, Waterheart's murderer is still at large.

And I'm going to catch this cat.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

I came down into the camp and watched as the Thunderclan began to get paler and paler as Fernshadow explained what he and she had seen. A small smile came to my lips, the only litter of kits in the whole camp were listening to the tale in wonder, as if they thought it was a kind of huge game, they couldn't ever truly understand in kithood.

Did I truly understand? After all, I was just a new apprentice, I hadn't lost al my kitten fur yet and I had lived for about a year? The though scared me a little as I remembered about everything I had done and experienced, I had lived so much in one year, probably more than Thrushstar could in seven life times. I had been humiliated, I had fallen in love, and I had seen murder, and-

I was a father.

Suddenly, I found myself moving through the camp towards the kits, standing by the nursery, my eyes sought my son. Somehow, I was that I would- just know him at sight. The kit I was looking for, he had light grey fur, the most beautiful shade in the entire world, and his amber eyes glowed like the sun, Sunkit, my handsome little warrior.

I sta down beside him with the other kits, wondering what exactly to say. I knew I could not ever tell him who I was, and that hurt inside; it hurt like fire in hell.

"Hello Sunkit," I said, remarkable, my voice didn't come out as a hoarse whisper. His head turned so that he was gazing at me, and he must have realised that I was an apprentice by my size.

His eyes lit up in excitement. "Are you a warrior apprentice? Is training hard?" I felt a twinge of amusement as immediately the other kit turned her head to see me. Her eyes lit up to an excitement level that he thought was even more powerful than my sons.

"Are you Goldpaw?" the she-cat said. "That means you're an the cat who probably gonna be a leader someday!" Sunkit turned to the other and gawped. "It's that apprentice, man, why didn't you tell me Flashkit!

My eyes glittered with confusion. Leader? Where had this come from?

"My dad told us about you, he said that you were like the leader of Thunderclan when you were on the Highledge. Was it cool?" Sunkit said.

Oh, my face fell with disappointment. My son was talking about Snowpool, I tried to hide the look on my face but couldn't, there was too much emotion.

Flashkit and Sunkit's head fell to one side. "What is it? Did you think it wasn't cool?" Flashkit asked.

I knew I was being rude but I padded away from the kits, sadness radiating from my pelt. I turned back for a second to see the kits turning to their mum, well, Sunkit's foster mother.

"Does he not like us Mum? Why doesn't he like us?" Flashkit wailed.

"Don't cry, my daughter," Goldpaw's eyes narrowed a little when he realised that she didn't mention Sunkit. "He's just a little, depressed at the moment," for a second, the queens eyes flickered to my, her eyes full with anger. I felt guilty at how rude I had been.

"Goldpaw is a very, abnormal apprentice, my kit. He has suffered a lot at such a young age, the clan is in complete turmoil at the moment and a lot of these cats do not like him because of the, circumstances of his birth," she coughed a little and then continued. "Well, anyway, Goldpaw has had to take a lot of responsibility onto his shoulders that many cats think he does not deserve. To be honest, I believe he has done a lot of good things considering his reputation."

I sat down a little and pricked my ears hard so I could hear what the kits said next. That was Flashkit, "Really? Why do the clan not like-"

Sunkit interrupted. "Why do I feel weird when I see him?" I felt interest worm its way into my system, feel weird Sunkit continued, "It was like- I was talking- talking to my brother!'

Flashkit looked very amused, "Brother? You wish! How can he be your brother? He's about six moons older than you. Next you'll be telling that he's your father!" she laughed and then said, "Snowpool is your father!"

I turned away, feeling sick, realising how much pain Sunkit would be in. He didn't know who his mother really was and having strange feelings for an apprentice that his best friend admired.

"Thunderclan, I am going to take a patrol to inspect Waterheart's body," Thrushstar said. Suddenly, I found myself yowling and standing on my hind legs, surprised eyes turned and fixed confused eyes upon me.

"No, you can't, you'll muck all the footprints!" I shouted. "We need to know which tracks went where!" every cat looked at me in confusion. I looked at them increduosly, could they really be that stupid? I mean, I knew that Thunderclan weren't known for their intelligence but really, could they stoop that low? "Oh come on, the ground is covered in snow for crying out loud. Picking up?"

No reply.

Starclan in heaven, they are idiots. "Look, Waterheart's murderer was walking in snow. That means they must have left footprints, yeah? Well, anyway, if we disturb the footprints, that will leave with a grave disadvantage."

Thrushstar looked at him like he was crazy. "You expect not to set foot out of the camp! Are you mad."

I stared at him with a grave face, hoping he would take my hint. Surely our leader of all cats would be able to use some sense? All I got were a lot of eyes locked on me, all asking the same question. What the hell are you suggesting? I rolled my eyes and said in a clear voice. Then a thought occurred to me and I began to think I was stupid.

"Actually, I've already inspected the area and got all the information I need, so you can go there, but try not to disturb it to much. You probably won't need to because I can tell you a conclusion now."

"You? Goldpaw, you couldn't draw a conclusion if you tried you're not even a warrior! What could we do that you can't," and insulting voice piped.

I glared at them, a flare of anger burning inside me. There was a grim determination ectched into my body. I snarled, spitting out every word as I drew every shred of emotion from my border and into that speech. "Ok, you think I'm stupid, then listen to this! I suppose Fernshadow has explained how Waterheart's head was ripped right of," I paused at how they gasped at how bland I was being, "so, it's obvious that a cat with extreme strength would be the only kind that could possibly have murdered our medicine cat. This means that the murderer was most likely a tom, meaning no offense," he added quickly. "But, also, why would someone murder Waterheart? I'll tell you, a cat would only murder Waterheart if they knew, and they knew her well, and how can I make this a little more cool, and they knew her intimately, and they _despised_ her intimately. They hated her enough to commit murder, but not just a murder; they had an unmistakable lust for her blood. Her head must have been a whole three-tail length's away from the body, meaning they had, sorry for being absolutely grotesque, they had **THROWN **her head across the clearing. BUT. Her body had already been cut open, revealing her internal organs; she was already dead before her killer proceded to- uh- separate the head from the body. Another point, Waterheart had been murdered just after we travelled through the place were she had met her gory death, so, that means I already have suspects. I believe both patrols that left for the Shadowclan and Windclan borders have returned, well, the tracks that led to Waterheart's body emerged from the mingling tracks of the patrols, so, that means that one of the cats on the patrols must have murdered Waterheart. Any questions."

I was quite out of breath by the end of this speech, but I was happy that I had got the effect I wanted. I mean yes, it was really quite disgusting- what I had said- but for the first time, I demanded respect from Thunderclan. And I was determined to get that, maybe it was the way my worst enemy claimed every thing I I had, or how Featherstar was dead. Or how Sunkit talked about me. How the clan talked about me, but all my fury echoed into that speech. Every pain and emotion flashed into one claw that I ripped down Thunderclan's belly, revealing its inside and leaving it to die… just as that traitor, whoever he or she was, had left Waterheart- the only cat I could confide when my time was darkest.

Surely, that was why she had been murdered, to get thorugh to me, to make me feel more agony than I had ever felt before.

A sickening feeling gripped me as it dawned on me how much danger was truly in. Featherstar's death, how much Thunderclan hated my existence, Snowpool's lust for my blood, _and my clan's_ lust for my blood, they all lead back to one thing.

Me.

I could not go on. How could I? With this threat of murder and death hanging above my head, the price for survival was one I had paid handsomely. I paid my life, my home.

Suddenly I felt an unceremonious whisper echo into my head, it was like ice, freezing me to the heart.

"Goldpaw, death is an entity that lives inside. It is a voice in your body; it is all ways there, tempting you. Murder is a living thing, lying in wait. It is the evil within.

But death can only emerge when a cat is foolish enough to it."

I recognised the voice, somewhere faraway: Goldenstrike, the cat that had rescued me from my own nightmares.

Who's going to save me now?

I turned around and noticed Thrushstar sitting beside me for the first time. His gaze seemed a little threatening, but there was softness that I had never seen in him before, of course, I knew I could kind of call Thrushstar an ally of sorts, but I had to be wary. So I was surprised when he shouted across the clearing, "Listen to Goldpaw!"

Outraged shouts flashed and a crescendo of yowls echoed across the Thunderclan camp. Thrushstar ignored them and stared at me, the morning sun caught in his pelt. The snow and haze was beautiful, much to beautiful for my liking, but Thrushstar signalled with his tail for me to follow him into his den. I gulped, not certain if I wanted to go in, the last time had been when Featherstar was live.

Still, the leaders word was the clan's, so my leader and me picked their way through the angry mob. My ears hurt, there too many words being flung at me and they were coming much to quickly. I felt cramped and alone, even with Thrushstar beside me, perhaps that was what disturbed me more than the clans hatred, my leaders friendliness. Starclan in heaven, I was terrfied, memories of Featherstar prickled my pelt and I bristled with fury as we padded thourgh Thrushstar's lichen and into his den.

He signalled me to the den I had slept in those few dawns ago- that was such a long time ago, it seemed- and he settled down into his own den. I had been correct, the den still ranked of my mate and I closed my eyes in deep sadness and rememberance.

"Goldpaw, you have experienced to much in the first moons of your apprenticeship," Thrushstar began.

"You can say that again," I muttered. My eyes flickered up to see the stars flashing outside Thrushstar's den.

Come on Starclan; show me there's more than death in this stupid world. The taunting stars gave me absolutely no answer.

"I understand your answer Goldpaw," Thrushstar said quietly. "You have done remarkable well to get his far in life, many would just… you know."

I nodded, wondering why he still _hadn't _commited suicide, or as Thrushstar so rightly put it, you know.

"Thinking further, I wonder if you actually did k-" he coughed quickly a changed his sentence. "I would like to give you an offer."

I looked up, a little confused. What was Thrushstar suggesting?

"You see, Goldpaw, you may not have been training for very long, in fact, you haven't even been training for a _moon._ Starclan in heaven, it feels so much longer than that-" Thrushstar sighed, "anyway. You may not even have been taught the basics of fighting, but Fernshadow has told us all that you're very good at hunting, even if you passed out in your first session."

I flinched at that weakness but gazed back at Thrushstar with something I could only describe as venom. I hated it when I thought about how… so rubbish I had been those-

Days ago?

Thrushstar was right; it seemed like so long ago.

"I would like to welcome you as a warrior of Thunderclan."

WHAT? Did I just here right, was Thrushstar calling me warrior.

"Yes, you heard me right, you- of all cats- are more rightful of being a warrior than any cat I have met before, Goldpaw.

"You will not be given a warrior name, and this will not by announced to Thunderclan, but I know deep inside that you, Goldpaw, have the heart of a warrior. And when it comes to your true ceremony, my apprentice, I hope you live up to your future name.

_Goldheart…_

Robinpaw

"Woah," Robinpaw muttered. Inside, he felt truly pathetic. Is that all you can say, woah! That word to sum all you've just heard? In his head, and for the first time that he had ever set foot in Thunderclan, the medicine cat apprentice wondered if being a medicine apprentice was what he really wanted. Goldstar made training as a warrior sound so very, very cool.

What an awesome name. Goldheart!

Wordlessly, Robinpaw padded out of the den and towards the medicine cat den, early Greenleaf ment it was a warm night, but for some strnge reason, he felt a weird shiver fall down his spine. He would have shivered more if he knew a murderer was watching his every move, waiting for the perfect time-

To strike, and to kill.

This thought, of course, did not occur to Robinpaw as he curled and fell asleep, however, there was another cat, watching the cat watching Robinpaw, who was gawping at the hungry look in its eye.


End file.
